Forget Paxil, try fashion

This semester, the OneStart gods have graced me with 9:30 a.m. classes four days a week, and it is seriously starting to affect my fashion sense. \nEveryone knows that my earliest wake-up time is 10 a.m. -- if that's when Ellen DeGeneres starts shaking her ass, that's when I do, too (one exception: early-morning sex). Without Ellen, I am left stumbling around my room, in the dark, throwing stylistic caution to the wind. (It's true: one morning I left wearing those flower-shaped pasties Lil' Kim once wore to an awards show. Ouch.)\nOne day this week, I decided on a minidress and knee socks. Adorable. But unfortunately, I made a faux pas in shoe selection-- green flats, with that outfit?! I knew it the second I grabbed my ham-and-cheese Lean Pocket and flew out the door. I might as well have been wearing a dashiki and SpongeBob slippers; it was awful. \nI spent the whole class desperate to run home and feed my green flats to any nearby wolf or hungry baby. Finally, class ended and I made it home without any public uproar.\nMuch later, when I left for class number two wearing leather boots sent from heaven, my disposition went from Janice Dickinson to that fat, jolly nun from Sister Act. And that's when it hit me: What you wear has a direct effect on how you feel.\nHave you ever had one of those "Oh God, I hope I don't see my ex today" days? More than likely, that day sucked. You will never win a Pulitzer, or even a Teen Choice Award, on a day like that. \nAnd then there are those other days when you just know you look good, like when you can't prevent staring at yourself in the chemistry building's windows (I would never…). But those are the days when you accomplish things! Not to sound like a motivational speaker, but when you feel confident, you act confident. And when you act confident, you kick ass. Maybe you'll get that job you've always wanted at Staples or maybe you'll literally kick somebody's ass. Regardless, you'll bring it.\nBecause the truth is that people have the power, at least to some degree, to affect their moods before the day really begins. And why would you want your day to begin with dirty sweatpants? \nMaybe the world would be a better place if everyone dressed every day like they were meeting their exes for coffee -- sweatpants don't exactly scream, "Look what you're missing!"\nAnd, if you think about it, it's a totally plausible suggestion. It takes no longer to put on a hot pair of jeans than it does to don those raggedy, overpriced Abercrombie cotton catastrophes -- two legs, one through each hole. Hell, a skirt (or kilt, depending on your gender) only has one hole. Skirts and kilts for everyone! \nMood rings had it right in the '90s -- their sole purpose was to reflect the mood of the wearer. And according to an article from the April 2006 issue of National Geographic, our clothes are headed that way as well. New fibers "may one day be used to make clothing that suits the wearer's mood or to allow a person to blend in with the environment." \nThe fibers operate as light-sensitive eyeglasses, which darken and lighten based on the amount of sunlight they are exposed to. These fibers, however, operate on electric current running throughout the body.\nThank you, technology: Whenever we get too lazy to do something (like dressing ourselves), you step in and do it for us.\nThese scientists are on to something, but for now we'll all just have to rely on our own devices to get dressed in the morning, like big boys and girls. \nBut don't forget: Your future spouse (or your ex) could be lurking around any corner. And the only message sweatpants send is "I'm too lazy to love you"