LIVE FROM THE BEEHIVE

It can be really confusing for the average IU student to understand the vast complexities of indie kids today. Why do they listen to all sorts of music not found in the mainstream? How do they fit in those pants? Here's five easy steps to make yourself indie.\n5 - Move out of your house and into your bike.\nThe first step, of course, is to embrace the current environmentalist trend. Don't do it willingly; rather, reluctantly admit that global warming is a reality and that you're doing your part to reduce your carbon footprint. \nNow, in reality, you still won't recycle, change your light bulbs or switch off your electronics to conserve. Indie kids' pride and joy is built on false promises, so generating the appearance of trend-following is the only way to go. \nTake the plunge, you house-dwellers. Sell your home and move into your bike. Make sure it's a fixed gear, naturally, and ride it around incessantly. Attempt to do tricks with clever names and constantly update the features of the bike itself. Bull-horn handlebars, spray-paint paint jobs (notice the environmental irony) and mud flaps are just a few suggestions. \n4 - Replace your white Hanes shirts with white American Apparel shirts.\nIf you haven't caught on yet, outward appearance is a key aspect of turning indie. The same way you will turn your environmental efforts toward your new bike's image, you also must change your clothes. All of them. \nYour jeans must be tighter and the majority of your clothes must be found at a thrift store. Old is the new new, you know. \nThere are, like with all rules, exceptions. It is still acceptable for certain essentials to be new. All unreasonably expensive jean brands can and will be a part of your new wardrobe. \nAll other brand-name products must be worn ironically. Think about clothes a really rich friend would have. Pairing these with your ratty ensemble and your Louis Vuitton sunglasses and Gucci loafers will seem ironic. \nYour No. 1 item of clothing will be a white T-shirt. Dress it down with tight jean cut-offs that remind most of the homeless. Dress it up by wearing a cardigan you found in your grandpa's closet or in the $1 bin at Goodwill. \nAmerican Apparel is the new indie kid purveyor of plain. Although no normal kid will be able to tell, all the other indie kids will see that you chose American Apparel. This will offer the appearance of sparing sweat shop laborers from stitching your clothes. \n3 - Find a picture of yourself as an 8-year-old and cut your hair like that.\nOld is the new new; your entire appearance is wrong, remember? What did the 8-year-old version of you look like? A bowl cut? Good … A mullet? Better … A rat-tail? Perfect! Don't forget, no Indie kid will pass unless his or her hair color is entirely unnatural. One detail is left up to you: platinum or pitch black. \nOnce your hair is all 8 years old, don't be afraid to match it with some failed '80s terminology. It's ironic to draw on '80s teen cult classics and the roots of cheesy electronic bands for inspiration.\n2 -- Listen exclusively to artists who nobody knows.\nIf you are still looking for quality music, give up. The exclusivity of the music is far more important. Though you most likely just discovered talented song-writers The Shins or dramatic pop-sters Arcade Fire, pretend as though you do not like them. \nA rule of thumb might be that if more than 50 people like a band that you listen to, they've sold out. Selling out is suicide to an indie kid. This will be something that you will learn the hard way by name-dropping a band you didn't know ever had a negative connotation. \nI'm not talking about all the Top 40 rap and pop you will claim to like because of its irony. These artists are acceptable to listen to in party scenarios or whenever street cred is necessary. \nIn terms of rock music, choose carefully. Small bands from Williamsburg (in Brooklyn, not Virginia), Portland or an indie-electro band from metro-Milwaukee would count. In fact, simply determine the location of artist's indie label and discriminate based solely on that information. Most Canadian major cities count, most Scandinavian cities are OK (you can make strong arguments for most of Europe), college towns are a guarantee, but above and beyond anything, Brooklyn prevails.