Rejection tango

You’re sitting alone in a dark room, softly humming Alanis Morissette tunes while your eye twitches every so often. You’re making little figurines out of Play-Doh to represent how your life should’ve turned out and smashing them with your fist.\nRejection is a feeling you’ve dealt with at some point in your life, whether your fourth-grade playground crush pushed you in the dirt, you weren’t accepted into Clown College or your immune system started attacking a recent organ transplant.\nBut what is rejection, really? I’ve never been a whiz at etymology. If you can reject something, can you “ject” it in the first place? What is ject? Apparently it’s the name of a funk band in south Florida. I went to its Myspace page. I wasn’t impressed.\nWhen I Googled “rejection,” one of the sponsored results that came up promised a way to “Get your ex back and stop rejection even if they don’t want you back!” That just sounds like a restraining order waiting to happen.\nRejection is the feeling that your special, unique, snowflake, one-of-a-kind self isn’t good enough. Not good enough to get the phone number of that hottie at the bar, not good enough for your dream job, not good enough to perform rhythmic gymnastics at your cousin’s wedding. Yes, it’s personal.\nBut why does rejection have to be a bad thing?\nInstead of paying $29.95 to learn the secret of stopping rejection (even if they don’t want you back), we should embrace rejection. Let’s call it “fun-jection.”\nIn the song “Ruby Tuesday,” the Rolling Stones say, “Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind.” But remember, rejection doesn’t take away your dreams. It only crushes them.\nCrushed dreams have an endless number of practical uses. They work as a great alternative to mulch in your landscaping. They make a delicious breading for frying catfish. And they work as a mild sedative when mixed into a hot cup of tea.\nAdd a cup of crushed dreams to your favorite brownie recipe. A decorative bowl filled with crushed dreams will add a pleasant bouquet of disappointment and lowered expectations to any room in your home.\nCat owners can even use their crushed dreams to save money on kitty litter.\nThere are many helpful maxims and sayings for dealing with rejection. You may find them in the “favorite quotes” section of your friends’ Facebook profiles. One of the most common reject-o-quotes is, “When a door closes, a window will open.”\nOpen windows are great for increasing air circulation in your home. If you have an open window, birds can fly inside and befriend you. Together you can sing songs and recreate scenes from various Disney movies. Think of all the fresh air and sunshine you’d be missing if you hadn’t been rejected.\nWhen you feel rejected, don’t cry and watch an A&E movie about the promise of hope. Enjoy the cool, refreshing breeze of a cold shoulder. Admire the polished shine of being rebuffed. You can finally go outside and play when you are dismissed.