Throw it out the 'Rear Window'

The nicest thing I can say about "Disturbia" is that I might have liked it more had I seen it when I was 11, but even at that age I think would have been hesitant to admit that I was at all entertained by such a lame cinematic offering. Other than the absolute climax of the film, "Disturbia" is not suspenseful, let alone scary. \nThe plot consists of the tired "the guy living next door hitting on my mom is an alien/psycho/vampire" stock story line used by countless films and young adult novels. \nBut it has what I am sure was meant to be a fresh, "contemporary" angle in that the protagonist (Shia LaBeouf from "Even Stevens") is confined to his home and spends most of his time spying on the neighborhood through a pair of binoculars. Of course, when you remember how long ago Hitchcock's "Rear Window" came out, the freshness of the concept really starts to wilt. \nI couldn't shake the feeling that the dialogue was slightly too forced, the acting a little less than good and the overall look and feel of the entire production a little too much like something I would expect to find on the Disney Channel. And that was even before I recognized it was former Disney star LaBeouf in the lead. I understand that every actor has to start somewhere and I get excited when I see a young actor grow. The problem is that with "Disturbia," LaBeouf has not grown and the worst part is it looks like he was really trying. There are a couple of moments in the film where LaBeouf tries to showcase his acting, moments in which the shot focuses in on his face and lingers just a bit too long as he attempts to express an emotion.\nThere is a bit of gore but very little action. Apparently it is OK for a PG-13 film to get to show the serial killer's workshop and his dead victims as long as the kids don't get to see any actual killing. There is really no action of the sexual kind either, though it is certainly promised throughout the film as the relationship with the girl next door develops. Ultimately, I'm hesitatant to recommend "Disturbia" even as a film to see with a younger sibling. It seems too nasty for really little kids and contains too little entertainment for anyone else.