So Long Sopranos

Rarely are any departing characters on "The Sopranos" afforded the luxury of a funeral. Instead it's the bottom of the ocean, the middle of the woods or some other remote location that awaits them for their last earthly hurrah. \nBack in January of 1999, when the show premiered, HBO was still a luxury most households didn't have. While "The Sopranos" was hardly the network's first series, it wasn't until Tony and crew came along that HBO's original content gained such huge attention and eventually established its Sunday night reign, launching other favorites like "Six Feet Under" and "Entourage." The show's obvious attraction was its subject matter, which was rarely ever seen on network shows. Violence! Nudity! Swearing! More violence! The show more than earned its TV-MA rating, and it was for these reasons that as a sixth grader I was so initially drawn to the show (plus it was so much cooler than the other mobster-in-therapy offering, 1999's "Analyze This."). \nIt also was one of the first shows to really cash in on making its whole season available on DVD. My mom was horrified to walk down to our basement to find my group of 11-year-old friends enthralled by the show -- which just happened to be in the middle of a Bada Bing! scene. She snatched up the discs immediately, nervous about the hollering she'd most likely receive from the neighborhood parents if they found out she was letting us watch "The Sopranos" (we eventually went on a successful undercover mission to sneak into my parents' room and steal the box set back.). Soon, my parents gave up on the whole censorship thing, and we joined the many other American families who gathered to watch the show together. After all, it is essentially a family show, and we are Italian.\nIt didn't take long for me to look past the violence content and see how great the show's storylines and complex characters were. In movies, it is common for viewers to end up sympathizing with the villain after they learn about a traumatic childhood event or something, but never have audiences gotten so close to such a monster. The show has also always had great comedic wit sprinkled throughout its seriousness -- sometimes appropriate (Anthony Jr.'s spout of "what, no fuckin' ziti?"), and sometimes inappropriate (the hilarious spectacle that was Christopher's intervention). But anyone who's ever seen the show knows all this, so instead of rambling about its greatness, let's conclude with our favorite episodes and hope that someday Meadow will come to her senses and marry a good Italian boy (me), that somehow Adriana will be resurrected so we can hear her shouts of "CHRISTOFUH" and that Paulie will calm that temper. \nPrediction by Reviews Editor and wannabe gangster Brian Hettmansperger:\nIn a show where there is more whacking than a junior high student with an afternoon to himself (91 murders thus far), it seems the title character, Tony Soprano himself, is next. We here at WEEKEND say the only way for the show to go out is with Tony getting rubbed out. Here are the four best possibilities:\n• Phil Leotardo and Tony have a sit-down. Phil excuses himself to the bathroom, where a gun has been planted behind the toilet. Phil puts two in Tony's head.\n• Et tu Paulie? Paulie's loyalty has been questioned before, and I wouldn't put it past him to shoot Tony in the back and then join Phil's crew in New York.\n• Tony goes back to Dr. Melfi in need of more therapy. She refuses and kills Tony in self-defense with a pistol she's been carrying ever since she cut her services off with the depressed mob boss.\n• Tony's wife Carmela, fearing for her and her family's lives, offs Tony by running him down in her car.\nOut of the four hypotheses put forth, I like the Dr. Melfi one the best. She wasted some eight years trying to help a murderous sociopath, only to become a murderer herself. Tony Soprano has a way of turning those around him into criminals.\nHow do I think Tony will really die? Nothing as theatrical as the scenarios put forth here. \nPREDICTION: Tony will be gunned down by some of Phil's nameless goons. \nIn true "Sopranos" form, Tony's death will not be as "gangster" as those in the movies, but gangster enough to get the job done.