Britney Spears vs. the world

In my brain, I like to maintain a large storage space where I stockpile my collection of witty and already proven successful conversation starters. This may include any of the following: \n“My sister’s a huge lesbian, is yours?”\n“I really love going to gay bars in double wide trailers, and I see you do, too.” \nBut there are some things I may be less likely to admit about myself. For example, I just downloaded the Britney Spears “Blackout” album ... and I can’t stop playing it. \nTragic, I know. \nBut this isn’t the first time I have blushed over my often embarrassing weakness for catchy pop singles that don’t fit into my elitist repertoire. 2007 was overflowing with these incidents. I started off the year feeling oh so “Fergalicious,” then swooned over Justin Timberlake’s “LoveSounds” and even had some naughty thoughts courtesy of “Soulja Boy.” It was a rough year.\nPicture this: Britney Spears and Thom Yorke are having a violent boxing match in my brain. She’s looking plump and pieces of her weave are falling out at an alarming rate, but Thom’s looking a bit like he hasn’t eaten since “OK Computer.” \nAnd, since it is my brain, they are fighting over me, trying to determine who is most qualified to serenade me. \nSo who will it be? Cliché but catchy songs that make me want to dance, or awe-inspiring lyrics that make me want to sit or take hallucinogens? I can’t be the only one who goes through this same internal crisis every time I open my iTunes. \nThis civil war over my airwaves had been going on for quite some time when I happened to pick up a copy of Rolling Stone’s best of the year issue, specifically for the section featuring their list of the top 100 songs of 2007.\nMuch to my chagrin, it appears that the magazine’s editors had been fighting a similar fight. The top ten list included songs by both M.I.A. and Rihanna, even Bright Eyes and Lil Wayne. And the list continued on like that, featuring a little bit of something for every taste. (Even Avril Lavigne made it on there, and she tastes like bad pork and Sum 41.) \nSo, I’ve decided to start approaching my musical tastes a bit differently. Some things just aren’t comparable. Britney Spears and Radiohead are just like Adderall and Xanax – amazing at what they do while doing entirely different things. \nWith her music, I’m sure Britney – well, let’s face it, her producers – just want people to dance and then look up pictures of her at Starbucks on perezhilton.com the next day. And you know what? That’s exactly what everyone does. And I’m sure Thom Yorke wants nothing to do with that. And he succeeds, too. Can you imagine grinding to “Karma Police?”\nSo instead of trying to compare all of these talented artists, let’s just appreciate them for the genre they’re playing in and how well they’re playing it. \nAnd, not that it makes a difference, but “Piece of Me” did beat Radiohead’s “Weird Fishes/Arpeggi” on the countdown, so maybe a musical revolution is upon us. I can’t say I’ll be fighting on her side, but I’ll still be lip-syncing all the lyrics to “Gimme More” at Sports next weekend, and that’s good enough for both me and Britney.