No K.O.

If you’ve ever watched “The Karate Kid” and thought, “This needs more babes and beatings,” check out “Never Back Down.” With a cast of poor-man versions of Hollywood stars – oh, that guy sort of resembles a young Tom Cruise on steroids, and is that one of Kate Hudson’s cousins? – you’ll think you’re watching a combination of “The O.C.” and “Ultimate Fighting Championship” starring kids from the local high school.

As if the plot matters, Jake is a sullen teenager who moves with his mom and younger brother from the Midwest to Orlando, Fla., following the death of his father. After being tricked into attending a party where mixed-martial-arts fights go down – think “Fight Club” meets an “American Pie” sequel – Jake is set on a path that leads him to Jean Roqua (Djimon Hounsou in a wasted role), who becomes Jake’s Mr. Miyagi.

As he trains, Jake gains much more than strength. He learns to control his anger, he gets the girl (whose name is inexplicably Baja, as in Baja Gordita) and he comes to the conclusion that problems can be solved and pride proven by beating up his enemies. Even though the script was probably only 20 pages long, I expected more in the way of consequence and resolution. But who needs dialogue when you can fill in with about 30 nondescript pop-punk gems?

Even trying to take this movie for what it is – an orgy of violence strung together by a thin plot and anemic dialogue – doesn’t work. The fight scenes offer nothing new, shot using the lamest techniques this side of YouTube. In addition to the aspirin-commercial trick of zooming into X-ray vision on the fighters’ bones, the director also tries to make a really outdated statement about the power of technology by employing handheld-camera shots, cell phones and YouTube videos of fights as transitions.

Clearly marketed toward angry, out-of-shape pubescent boys with daddy issues, “Never Back Down” appeals to the lowest common denominator. But even pissed-off, 14-year-old boys won’t be impressed by this one. No, not even by the fight-movie-cliche musical training montage.