No thrilla in Trilla

“Certain things your money can’t buy,” Jay-Z notes during his sixteen-bar cameo on Trilla. There’s no way to know for sure, but I’d like to think this is a jab at Rick Ross, the rotund rhyme-slinger who’s quickly becoming the, um, biggest joke in rap music. On his third studio release, Ross uses his wealth to buy beats (from J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League, JR Rotem, Mannie Fresh) and even a few friends (guest rappers Hova, Lil’ Wayne, T-Pain, Young Jeezy, Nelly). But money can’t buy talent for Ross.

The Miami emcee has carved out a solid niche for himself in the rap game. If you need someone to say “Boss” with a bowel-shaking voice and faux accent that transforms the word into “Bowss,” Rowss is your man. He showcases this talent on the album’s second single, titled — you won’t believe this — “The Boss.” On the chorus, he bellows, “I’m the biggest boss that you’ve seen thus far.” Either that’s a clever coke-equals-weight pun on his large stature, or even Rick Ross can’t help but make jokes about Rick Ross.

The sad part is that the production’s not bad on Trilla. “The Boss,” first-single “Speedin’,” Weezy-Jeezy collaboration “Luxury Tax” and Jay-Z pity track “Maybach Music” all warrant repeat listens — but only for the beats and guest verses. The rest is Ross’s trite thug justification: “Make more money, man / That’s the model for the mob / Need a blow job is my model / Get a model for the job.” Yawn.

What a shame for an album whose title is a nod to Michael Jackson’s Thriller. As far as I can tell the only reference to the King of Pop comes from Jay-Z, who subtly references M.J.’s dispute with Paul McCartney over the rights to The Beatles’ musical catalogue. Fittingly, Ross is bound to make just as much off of this Bowss-brand-name excretion as Michael has by selling songs like “Hello Goodbye” to Target for its commercials. Call it karma, but it looks like Mr. Jackson — along with the thousands of dupes who buy this album — has been hit by a not-so-smooth criminal.