Back on the block

Do you remember the first concert you ever attended? Mine was John Denver’s. I’m not afraid to admit that, mostly because he died less than a year after the performance. When I tell people that story, they hold back from obvious jeering and laughter solely out of respect for the deceased.\nIt’s a little harder, though, to justify the first CD I remember listening to on a constant basis: “Step by Step” from the iconic boy band New Kids on the Block. That one is a little harder to admit, because its former members are indeed alive and well.\nActually, it’s no longer necessary to speak in the past tense about New Kids, the group that paved the way for such heartthrobs as Boyz II Men, Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync. That’s right, 14 agonizing and barely livable years after the group dissolved, they’re coming back with a vengeance. In May, the group will kick off a reunion tour in Boston, its old stomping grounds.\nFor those of you whose first reaction is that this is clearly mundane and unnecessary, consider the positive effects that this tour will have on the slumping, almost derelict U.S. economy. \nFor example, the fan base of such boy bands usually includes young teenage girls (and apparently me, but we’ll forget about that for the moment). These girls, who are wealthy with dump truck-loads of babysitting money, need to have a mechanism for spending their hard-earned cash while mommy and daddy go out on the town. Boy bands have more or less fallen out of popular culture in the last several years, and as such, babysitting funds are not being spent. Rather, young girls are making the unwise decision to put money away for college in low-interest savings accounts. Remember, Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan have also fallen out of the public eye as of late, giving even fewer mediums in which teens can engage in necessary commerce.\nObviously, anyone who has heard anything coming out of the White House, Department of Treasury or Federal Reserve in the last several months knows that bank-held savings are the last thing our economy needs. Rather, the way to stimulate the economy in times of emergencies is to spend money. \nTherefore, the reintroduction of New Kids on the Block will force millions of teen admirers (and nostalgic people in their 20s and 30s) to attend the concerts and engage in the inevitable merchandising to follow. As we all know, such consumerism will save us from a crippling recession because of a term on my recent economics exam called the “trickle down effect” (a phrase I’m happy to have used without reference to Ronald Reagan).\nThis truly will be a reunion for the history books, not only for the melodious beats of one of the greatest bands of the 20th century, but also because of its dramatic and long-term impact on our country’s economic crisis. \nToo bad ol’ John Denver won’t be around to see it.