Please don't police NFL fans

USA Today reported this week that the NFL has released its new “Fan Code of Conduct” whereby disruptive (and drunk) fans will have their season tickets revoked if they act in an unruly manner.
This decision marks the point where the NFL officially ceases to become a professional sports league and transforms into Disney World on FieldTurf. In Roger Goodell’s snow globe of a football league, commercial success off the field has become more important than the product on the field.
Let me give you a run down of the specifics on the code, one through six:
1. “Behavior that is unruly, disruptive, or illegal in nature.”
Does stabbing people count? It does? Great.
Well there goes the infamous Black Hole that the Oakland Raider nation calls home. I don’t think the NFL and Oakland P.D. have enough personnel and tear gas to tell that crowd that they have to behave.
2. “Intoxication or other signs of alcohol impairment that results in irresponsible behavior.”
If the NFL does this, fans will buy less beer, the product of an industry that generates the greatest ad revenues for the league. This seems a little backwards to me. Plus, beer and football go hand-in-hand for many people. Striking fear in the hearts of beer-drinking fans will dampen the time honored tradition of tailgating. Plus, if you are a Chicago Bears fan in 2008-09, drinking alcohol in excess might be the only way to numb onself against the results of the upcoming season. The same goes to our Cincinnati readership.
3. “Foul or abusive language or obscene gestures.”
This one scares me a  bit. If the NFL teamed up with the FCC to watch an Indianapolis Colts game with me and my crew, we’d make MTV’s Janet Jackson Superbowl XXXVIII performance seem like an episode of Sesame Street. I would lose my season tickets after the blown coverage on Adam Vinatieri’s first kickoff.
4. “Interference with the progress of the game (including throwing objects onto the field).”
Watch out Philadelphia, I assume the fine print of this part of the code includes tossing d-cell batteries at players.
5. “Verbal or physical harassment of opposing team fans.”
Now hold on a second! What is the point of attending a game if you can’t harass an opposing team’s fan? Whether Goodell likes it or not, that is what football is all about. Internet blogs are filled with banter trashing an opposing team. It is what fuels rivalries. Plus, considering the less-than-warm receptions the New England Patriots are expected to receive in visiting stadiums, bouncing people who harass opposing fans might give the pats a home-field advantage in all 16 games this season.
6. “Failing to follow instructions of stadium personnel.”
If an usher tells me to sit down because a less enthusiastic fan is offended, I probably won’t listen. If a food vendor tells me my debit card has been declined, I probably won’t listen. These issues don’t merit the loss on an investment on season tickets.
The sad part of the “Fan Code of Conduct” is that many people’s violations of such rules make up the heart and soul of their NFL experiences. Please remember that the roots of the NFL are extremely violent and savage. To scare wild and unruly fans away from stadiums is sacreligious.