Fantasy football, week 1

Finally, we will no longer have to scratch tally marks into the concrete walls of the NFL-less prison which summer brings. Soon Warden Goodell finally jingles his keys and opens our regular-season doors Thursday, you better believe that millions will be flocking to their computers to get those final lineups in before kickoff.

You see, for people like myself, the NFL season isn’t all about wins and losses, wars in the trenches and punt coverage. Quite the contrary – it’s all about yards and touchdowns.

I don’t care if the San Francisco 49ers go 13-3; if they can’t score more than their dismal 219 points next year, I won’t be paying attention. Forget 2008 playoff teams like the Washington Redskins and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers with their stagnant offenses. Give me bottom feeders like the Detroit Lions and Arizona Cardinals. At least these teams can lose with a bit of pizzazz.

Three to start

Kurt Warner, quarterback, Arizona Cardinals – Anointed starter Matt Leinart seemed better trained for an IU tailgate than for a high-powered offense. Last season, Warner finished 11th in passing yards despite playing in only 14 games. In the last eight weeks of the season, Warner threw 21 touchdown passes.

Chicago Defense/Special Teams – The only reason you wouldn’t start the Monsters of the Midway is because they will be playing in a raucous Lucas Oil Stadium against the high-powered Indianapolis Colts. But considering Peyton Manning should be rusty, the Colts’ offense might be a little slow out of the gate.

On special teams, Chicago kick returner Devin Hester will have a field day against a special teams unit that is near the bottom of the league perennially. Two touchdowns is a possibility for Hester, who shined in Superbowl XLI. If I were Tony Dungy, I wouldn’t kick the ball to the dynamic returner unless the game is a blowout.

Rashard Mendenhall, running back, Pittsburgh Steelers – As tough as it is for me to give any player from Illinois credit, Mendenhall is going to score his fair share of touchdowns. The Houston Texans surrendered 15 touchdowns against the run last year, and Mendenhall will get his chances on the goal line because incumbent speedster Willie Parker can’t get it done in the red zone. Look for my shoe-in for offensive rookie of the year to have a big week.

Three to sit

Darren McFadden, running back, Oakland Raiders – Despite the hype, McFadden is still a member of the Oakland Raiders, a team who only punched it in 11 times on the ground last year. Don’t be surprised if Justin Fargas, who had more than 1,000 yards last season, carries the load until Oakland is mathematically eliminated from postseason contention. Lucky for McFadden owners, chances are his time will come by week 7, when his talent will be too much to keep off the field.

Selvin Young, running back, Denver Broncos – Oakland, though, is solid against the run. Denver is a great running football team, with Young getting the starting nod. The only thing that worries me is there might be two guys who coach Mike Shanahan brings up from the practice squad in the first week who we have never heard of to take some of Young’s carries away.

Take a rain check on starting this former Texas Longhorn. Don’t let him sit in one of your slots and go sour on you before he breaks out. Make him prove something to the football world before he gets named Denver’s next best rusher.

Steve Smith, wide receiver, Carolina Panthers – Smith’s punch on defensive back Ken Lucas not only hurt Lucas, it resonated on owners who picked this dynamic receiver. His two-game suspension is tough to stomach, but his talent is too much to drop.