Separation anxiety ’08

As is the standard protocol here on the IDS opinion page, I’m turning this column in on Monday, and you are reading it on Wednesday. I don’t know the outcome of the election yet, though I am quite looking forward to making the long walk to Read – my designated polling place – and casting my first presidential election vote.

At this point, I’m positive my e-mail inbox is at least half full of e-mails from Barack Obama, Joe Biden and David Plouffe. And I really have no idea how the Obama volunteers got a hold of my phone number, but I’m really glad they’ll finally stop calling me now.

“Can you donate $25? $20? $15? $10? $5? Maybe $5 in the future sometime? How about your first born child then?” I’d like to walk on a sidewalk on campus without seeing bumper stickers plastered to the ground. Who does that? I’ve never seen anyone do it, yet more and more of the pavement beneath my feet seems to include Ralph Nader and Ron Paul.

It’s probably the only sort of publicity they could get, poor guys. Instead of campaign volunteers, they have commissioned mysterious sidewalk sticker gremlins to deface our campus sidewalks in the dead of night.

I’ll admit this campaign was exceedingly obnoxious, but I’m already beginning to suffer from the pangs of separation anxiety. During my January through June stint in Egypt, coverage of the primaries was the topic of choice for the poor American students stuck in 8 a.m. Arabic class. As cheesy as it sounds, it was a uniting factor for us far away from home.

Even after coming back to Bloomington, the election always provided something interesting to talk about. Sarah Palin was always good for a joke, and I have no idea what I’m going to do once Tina Fey stops doing her Palin impersonations on “Saturday Night Live” (note the wishful thinking on my part that after the election is over, Tina Fey won’t have a reason to be doing Palin impersonations).

And who can forget YouTube? Jon Stewart clips about the election were gold this year. “I’ve Got a Crush on Obama” and its counterpart, “I’ve Got a Crush on Giuliani” (seriously, they both exist, check them out) amused me for a good five minutes. And what drinking games will Joe Six Packs play now that they can’t take a shot every time the McCain campaign uses the word “maverick?”

Speaking from a columnist’s point of view, the election made sure I had something to write about. I mean, the current affairs scene these days is pretty dry. The economy tanked, there’s a bomb blast somewhere or the other every week, nothing riot-worthy is going on at IU and everyone is desensitized. This year’s bizarre and often annoying campaigns at least guaranteed that I could fill this 500-word space once a week.

Oh well, at least I won’t be mobbed by the early vote shuttle kids in front of Ballantine anymore.