‘Time’ for a change

It sounds like the cage match of the century.

In one corner, there’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in all of his psychotic fervor, pitted against poor, inarticulate President George W. Bush.

Next up is Mrs. Sarah “You Betcha!” Palin, duking it out with her dead-on impersonate-ress, Tina Fey. It’s a vicious contest that makes the ear-biting badasses of professional boxing look like a senior citizen bridge club, and it’s coming straight to a newsstand near you.  

Ahmadinejad, Bush, Palin and Fey are among the candidates in the running for Time magazine’s Person of the Year award for 2008, slated to be announced in December.

The timing seems perfect, because now that the election’s over and the direction of the economy is no longer a shocker, we need something to keep us on the edges of our seats. Unfortunately, though, this year’s contest, as played-up as it is, is bogus.

When I read the list of nominees, I immediately got that sinking feeling of disappointment that I imagine Bengals fans experience every time they flip on the TV to ESPN. Generally, Time’s Person of the Year contest honors the obscure and the controversial, along with the prominent and the powerful.

Since 1927, Time has selected a variety of candidates and has honored such movers and shakers as Charles Lindbergh and Queen Elizabeth II, along with lesser-knowns like the “Hungarian patriot” who launched the first large-scale revolt from behind the Iron Curtain.

This year, disappointingly, the choices are formulaic. You thought you had heard the last of election politics, right? Wrong. This is simply not the case, as Barack Obama, John McCain, Hillary Clinton and Madame Palin will again be heading them up.

In past years, the magazine has made this race an intriguing contest, thanks to a bit of creativity and “outside-the-box” thinking.

In 1982, the “person” of choice was the computer, and in 2006, it was “you,” who in the age of personal access to technology has apparently been shaking things up.  

This year, however, the selections are only to be expected: America’s political darlings, Michael Phelps, the Google guys and a cellular biologist or two thrown in there for good measure.

Obama, in this case, is the frontrunner, with five times more votes than any of his competitors, and in line behind him is Gov. Palin. Once again, Obama is a shoo-in. In the history of the honor, every sitting president has been given the title, and Bush the second, Reagan, Carter and Clinton won in the years ahead of their inauguration.  

Time’s slate of candidates leaves much to be desired, especially with many other options out there. Now that inanimate objects are apparently legitimate, what about “the economy” or “the environment” – they’ve done a fair amount to stir things up this year. We simply can’t boil such a long time frame down to a few big names.

Inevitably, major players always emerge, but even if they do, it’d be nice if the folks at Time gave us a few we weren’t already sick of hearing about.