Consumed by monstrous merriment

During the holiday season, the nation as a whole seems to come to the conclusion that the bigger, the more elaborate and the more overdone things are, the better.

This sacred principle applies to everything from wish lists to Christmas sweaters. Has the radio station already played “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” 75 times in the last day or two? Great, play it again!

Have you already had more awkward conversations than you’d care to count about your future with relatives you hardly know? Well, why don’t you go tell your Aunt Mildred over there what your plans are for after graduation?

Have you reluctantly been forced to consume more stale fruitcake than any functional human being should ever have to deal with? Have some more, it’s just for you!

The word “overdone” simply can’t begin to describe the holiday season. Among the worst perpetrators in this free-for-all of excesses are holiday decorations.

Festively adorning your house to the max is a competition, no doubt, because, come on – moderation is for suckers, right? For some homeowners, it’s an all-out neighborhood war to determine who will be able to stop the most traffic this year.
Every year, it seems like manufacturers roll out another marvel of modern technology that changes the “in” way to deck the halls. First, it was the lights.
 
Then it was the mechanical Santa’s workshops. More recently, we’ve seen some pretty ridiculous stuff. Take the puzzling trend of giant, blow-up yard decorations, for example. This season, I’ve seen everything from Thomas the Tank Engine wearing a Santa hat to a Santa Claus riding on a John Deere tractor.

And what would a Christmas lights display be without music? During the past few years, many true-blooded Americans have taken a cue from the planetarium light shows we used to have to sit through as kids and synchronized their lights to music playing on the radio – everything from “Pirates of the Caribbean” to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

I know what you’re thinking – how festive! President Bush and his family, however, have really outdone the rest of the country. Their 18-foot tall Christmas tree is only the beginning – at the receptions in the weeks leading up to the holiday, they anticipate going through 22,000 holiday cookies and 700 gallons of eggnog.

Ah, the opulence! But this year, given the economy, we might see a bit of downsizing – and it won’t just be the yard-bling that goes, either. Even as a non-celebrant of the holiday, I’m more than a bit disappointed.

Beyond the sheer madness of the holiday season, there’s something really fun and really goodhearted – something that makes it OK when the mercury drops below 20 and keeps us going through the rough patches in exam week.

This year, we might have to trim out the creepy motion-activated Santas and the automated reindeer carousels, but that doesn’t by any means entail having a crappy holiday season. So insert your own cheesy, heartwarming ending here, keep your spirits up during the next couple weeks and hang in there!