STRAIGHT BIDNESS: Plax’s new name: Cheddar Bob

I was sitting in my media ethics class on Tuesday, though I wasn’t really all that awake.

You can’t expect a column titled “Straight Bidness” to really embody media ethics, so I generally don’t give the most insightful input in the class.

Rather than trying to figure out whether decisions are a means to an end or vice versa, (or something like that – I still don’t understand that lecture) I decided to daydream in hopes of coming up with a column idea.

And then it hit me. I heard it, and it was like the angels were telling me to write this story. Someone in my class was speaking, and I heard it.

“Shoot first. Ask questions later.”

My head immediately shot up from my game of Brick Breaker and I muttered, “Plax?”
That’s right. I’m talking about Plaxico Burress, who henceforth shall always be referred to as Cheddar Bob.

Cheddar Bob was recently suspended by the New York Giants for the remainder of the regular season for his involvement in a gun firing at a nightclub.

And by involvement, I mean Cheddar Bob shot himself in the leg while sipping on wine.
First off, as my wonderful R100 teacher – both times I took it – pointed out, Cheddar Bob and wine is an oxymoron.

When this story first broke, I tried to visualize the situation for comedic value, and I just couldn’t see Cheddar Bob sipping on wine.

I especially find the wine hard to believe when the reason he was carrying a gun in the first place was because he had $5,000 in cash on him and he was wearing very expensive jewelry.

Was he holding his glass with his pinkie out?

Second, I must state I am generally a fan of delinquents when it comes to professional athletes.

My favorite NBA player is Jamaal Tinsley; I supported Pacman Jones’ decision to make it rain, and I have always been a fan of Cheddar Bob.

However, he’s crossed a line with this latest act. Like your parents always said, it’s all fun and games until you shoot yourself – or something like that.

It was all fun and games when he was screwing around but still being a beast on the field.

But when you shoot yourself, injuring your leg for a few games, get two felony charges, include your teammates in the debacle and have representation named Drew Rosenhaus, you have crossed a line.

The last time I heard Rosenhaus’ name was when some idiot was doing sit-ups in his driveway.

Finally, despite my strong desire to not recommend this, I must say it is time to let Cheddar Bob go.

He was a Super Bowl hero but he is not worth the trouble.

Trade him. Cut him. Hell, pull a Pacers and let him sit at home inactive for the entire season still paying him.

Just let him go.

Or better yet, give him a punishment that truly fits the crime – make him play for the Lions.