Dating and Valentines 101

Dating and romantic relationships ultimately lead to the most important event of our lives: marriage.

Yet both dating and relationships – precursors to matrimony – are monumental puzzles in the average person’s life. Most fumble through the pieces, hoping to get satisfaction but often ending up disappointed and frustrated.

In fact, about 40 percent of first marriages fail within a 15-year period, according to a 2005 report from the National Center for Health Statistics. Such sobering evidence shows that people are generally terribly ill-prepared to meet the challenges of finding a good mate and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Of course, college life is more about courtship and dating. And from my experience so far, most of us play this “game of love” with relative cluelessness about what we want and need.

A study on speed dating found that what participants said they want in a partner often differed from their actual choices.

The study, published on The National Academy of Sciences Web site, explained that participants usually gave politically correct answers about their ideal partner, but during the speed dating would base their decisions on primal reasons – standards of beauty for men and ability to acquire wealth for women.

“In speed dating, there is not much information to gather during the short time frame,” said IU professor Peter Todd, an author of the study. “So it makes sense from an illusionary or reproductive standpoint to base one’s judgment on beauty because that is a measure of health and fertility.”

As for women, Todd said that being the child bearers, they have a higher cost and thus make decisions not only on appearance, but on a partner’s ability to acquire wealth as well.

“(Women) not only want a good feeling of the person, but also want assurance that he can take care of the child,” he said.

The speed dating illustration is nevertheless a microcosm of our attitudes when it comes to dating. Most people explore relationships with certain predispositions but leave the outcome to happenstance, learning those harsh lessons from the school of hard knocks in due time.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, many would think about fancy dates and romantic sessions with the girl- or boyfriend, but this day also serves as a stark reminder for me of failed relationships in the past.

For instance, in past relationships, I experienced a gamut of complications pertaining to power struggles, misunderstandings, insecurity, prejudices from friends and non-acceptance from families; the worst, bar none, was being stuck in an abusive relationship.

To make a relationship work is truly tough, and a bad relationship can really damage one’s psychological health.

Likewise for college students, dating setbacks, baggage from past relationships and mismanagement of emotions during tense phases can be detrimental to academic success.

Many of us just don’t know how to cope with dejection, violent and obsessive partners and the myriad of emotional problems that arises from relationship woes.

Though college equips us for the working world, it doesn’t prepare us to cope with the equally important social aspects of romantic relationships and marriage, thankfully.

Nevertheless, as I mull a romantic plan for my girlfriend this Valentine’s, I wonder what it would be like having a “Dating and Valentines 101” class that teaches college students how to cope with academics and relationship entanglements.

That might just be the best class for a successful career future.