Patronizing Post-its

I vividly remember going into my shared bathroom freshman year and finding a Post-it note left by one of my suitemates on the toilet paper roll. It read: “Next time refill the toilet paper. How hard is it, really?”

It’s a startling experience the first time you receive a passive-aggressive note from someone with whom you thought you were peacefully coexisting.

Sending and receiving such notes is an experience many of us continue to have throughout college as we attempt to live with people who are eager to point out the ways we fail as roommates because we may occasionally forget to turn off a light or rinse a dish or feed the cat for a few weeks.

The problem with these notes is that they tend to have the reverse effect of their intention. When I read that Post-it in the bathroom, my reaction was not to make a mental note to myself to remember to refill the toilet paper next time. Instead, I became irrationally defensive and angry, to the point where I had to talk myself out of the sudden urge to unroll all of the toilet paper and use it to spell out the message “How ugly is your face, really?”

That would teach her not to patronize me through Post-its!

I currently have four female roommates, so you can bet various notes pop up from time to time. Luckily, the majority of our notes are more passive than aggressive.

For example, when someone doesn’t want her note to appear hostile, I’ve noticed she will end it with a smiley face. And whose day doesn’t that brighten?

You can’t stay mad at a note that is smiling at you, even if it is pointing out that you are as fat and worthless as the bags of garbage you forgot to take to the curb.

Another tactic I’ve observed for keeping a confrontational note friendly – and conveniently anonymous – is to word it as if it were written by the appliance to which it was taped. On our freezer door is what appears to be a plea from the freezer itself: “Please make sure I am closed all the way!”

This risks being condescending in an apartment where everyone is 22 years old and has been closing doors most of her life. But instead, I find it a little endearing; it makes me feel I am looking out for the well-being of this helpless little machine.

Like anyone else’s, our notes sometimes do get out of hand. An anonymous roommate once drafted a contract we all had to sign as proof we understood that failure to lock the dead bolt in addition to the regular lock would result in a robbery that would be our own fault.

So my hope is that one day we will live in a world where confrontations do not involve
Post-it notes or dry-erase boards. But until then, I urge you to at least find ways to keep your written advice to your roommates friendly.

I mean, how hard is it really?