Body vs. Brain

We’ve all been there.

“The Ex” is a lowlife/heartbreaker/commitment-phobe who swept you off of your feet only to unexpectedly crush you soon after.

You mourn. You talk smack. You remove all traces of your happy time together. You swear to anyone who will listen that you will never get caught up in that mess ever again. Besides, you were way too good for him/her.

And then, out of nowhere, “The Ex” texts/calls/Facebook messages you to “hang out.” And then you hook up. It was an accident, you tell your friends. It will never happen again.

But it does.

Why do we keep going back to the exact wrong person for us? 

It’s not that difficult to understand. Sure, it’s a physical thing – an extreme attraction that just will not quit no matter what your brain is telling you.
But more than anything, it’s a you thing.

There are two different scenarios that play out when you continue to hook up with someone you are well aware will never be able to be in a relationship with you.

The first is you’re trying to prove something to the other party, as if succumbing is proving their weakness, not yours. You want him or her to be taken over by your newfound confidence and sexual prowess, minus the dumpy old emotional baggage from You and Me version 1.0.

“He’ll be kicking himself for letting me go” is a common justification for your actions. “Honestly, there are no strings attached” is what you tell your friends after another “accidental” hook up.

That won’t be the song you’re singing weeks later when your recent rekindled love rekindles with someone else.

And then there’s the other, less-easy-to-admit side of the story: You’re trying to prove something to yourself.

I’ve been there. A high school love interest used to drive me crazy and pick fights all the time. We’d scream at each other and then hook up angrily.

This did not stop when I went to college. I was trying to show myself – and my hormones – that he didn’t get to me, that I could separate my emotions from the physical crap. I was wrong. 

Eventually, with my confidence shattered, we stopped communicating, and I absolutely regret everything.

I can’t stop you from making bad decisions, but at least acknowledge that you’re making them.

If you once had feelings for someone, it is impossible to avoid them the second, third and 10th time around.

So do yourself some good. Shed the past and find a new plaything.