6 Things that Bartenders Hate

1. Puke

Wilds:  I hate puke. If you’re going to puke, go to a bathroom, puke, go home. If you can’t make it to a bathroom, hit a trash can. Don’t puke on the side of the bar, or in a corner, go home. Come back tomorrow. Nobody enjoys puke in the middle of the floor and having to clear out fifty feet of the bar, you know? That’s my biggest thing. I don’t understand how people just don’t leave sometimes. I mean puking rally, whatever, but if you can’t handle it, go home.

2. Pee

Suter: The worst is the guys that just whip out their dick and think they can pee anywhere around the bar.

3. Smack Talk

Wilds: We’re very aware.
Schull: You hear everything.
Wilds: You do. You could not make eye contact with me and I could hear you say something shitty, and I’ll just look.
Schull: You hear everything. You could say something to your friend and we’ll hear it.

4. Special Requests

Schull: Something that annoys me is you get girls that come in and go, ‘I want a shot, make me up something ...  new.’ And like you make them a new shot, or something you’ve been working on, and they hate it. It’s like, ‘Well, what do you normally drink?’ ‘A lemon drop.’ It’s like, ‘Well why didn’t you just order a lemon drop then?’ You know what I mean?

5. New Drinks

Suter: Especially when it’s busy, I mean, we’re all guilty of this, like ‘all right I got a new shot for you. Boom, boom, boom, boom, I learned this up in Alaska. It’s a great shot.’ You know, and all this crap and they’re trying to tell you what to do for this order, and if it’s not busy, that’s cool, I’ll remember it. But if we’re slammed, I don’t want to hear the eight different things that are in here. ‘Uh, I want a quarter of this and a half of this and a splash of cranberry and you shake it up.’

6. Tasting the alcohol

Wilds: ‘I can’t taste my vodka cranberry.’ We know. That’s why you mix it with cranberry, OK? If you want to taste it, take a shot. Otherwise, drink your drink.