‘Last Comic’ comedienne cracks up Funny Bone

Men wearing baggy pants that are falling off, drivers blasting loud music from broken-down, ugly cars and a convict escaping prison two days before he was supposed to be released all prompt comedienne Tammy Pescatelli to ask, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Pescatelli, who was a part of the final five on “Last Comic Standing 2,” performed this weekend at the Funny Bone Bloomington Comedy Club.

Funny Bone host Brian M. Frange opened both Friday and Saturday evenings with a short set, including a joke about how people are similar to M&M’s – different on the outside, but what matters is on the inside.

“And this world would be a better place if we could all just agree that peanut M&M’s are superior to all other kinds,” he said before moving on to an anecdote about the least hardcore car chase ever.

“It would have been appropriate to use turn signals,” he said.

Next up was last week’s open-mic winner, Jamison Raymond, who commented that he wasn’t accepted into a graduate school program to study video games because of his C-undergraduate average. Of course, he said the GPA was due to too much time spent playing video games.

Feature performer Matt Holt spent time discussing his weight with the audience.
“My credit score and goal weight are the same number,” he said, adding that he shops at men’s Big and Tall stores. “Big and Tall – they ought to call it Fat and Sweaty.”

After commenting that the scariest thing he’d seen at a haunted house last Halloween was the McCain and Palin poster on a nearby tree, Holt turned the stage over to the evening’s headliner, Pescatelli.

She had several comments on the behavior of women, including a warning sign for how crazy a woman might be.

“The thinner the eyebrows, the crazier the broad,” she said, adding that one woman she knows shaves and paints on her eyebrows. “I’m not telling you she’s difficult, but the pope would stab her with his hat.”

But the eyebrow-less women pale in comparison to the size-zero women Pescatelli said she’s encountered.

“They’re beautiful, but they’re mean, because they’re hungry,” she said.

This train of thought led her to tell the story of a party she was invited to at the Playboy Mansion.

“My brothers wanted me to go for research,” she said. 

During a contest, one of the bunnies “dropkicked” her off a trampoline into some nearby mud.

“When you can’t walk after going to a party at the Playboy Mansion, nobody believes it has anything to do with an unfortunate trampoline accident,” Pescatelli said.

She also recalled that she was passed over to be a contestant on “Dancing with the Stars,”  and the producer told her, “We’re going in a different direction.”

“I got GPS, where you going?” she said. “I will stalk you like Sacajawea with MapQuest.”

But when her niece asked Pescatelli to buy her a doll, the comedienne made a surprising discovery.

“Did you know the Miley Cyrus doll comes with a thong?” she joked. “‘Prostitute Barbie’ tee sold separately.”

One audience member told Pescatelli he is majoring in philosophy, and she started talking about the fictitious fraternity of “Tri-Delta Tau.”

“It’s new. We’re all philosophy majors. Really, we just sit around and think about getting a house,” Pescatelli said. “Are we in the house or are we out of the house? If the house falls down, will we hear it?”

While she said she enjoyed Bloomington, Pescatelli said she had only one suggestion for improvement.

“I couldn’t find a good place to get IU merchandise,” she laughed.