Musical motivation

You know how we get so excited about all of our classes the first week or two of the semester?

We tell ourselves this is going to be the greatest semester ever and we will get straight A’s.

I’ve done this song and dance so many times, and I can feel it happening again this semester.

Though I may have another year here, I’ll call it senioritis –
already.

In a couple of my fashion classes we’ve begun working on designs and learning more in class.

The teachers are spitting out more information at a faster pace. My confusion levels have risen slowly over the past week, as they explain the steps to go through in order to finish our projects.

In a way, it feels like I’m working at an internship rather than going to class.

During the past week, I’ve sat on the edge of my seat with fabric and scissors in hand doing my best to not get fired, trying not to make a mistake that would clothe me in a feeling of embarrassment similar to a fitted cable-knit sweater in the summertime.

In the midst of my sewing, cutting and drawing, I began to remember how much I hated and ultimately floundered at attempting to do big projects.

I can remember cringing at the sight of glue-stick, scissors and paper. If you would’ve asked me to sew something a few years ago, I might have ran in the other direction.
This week, there were times where I felt like doing just that.

I began to fall into the senioritis I’ve given into so many times before this year. I started to mentally give in to all of the people who said I couldn’t do it – those who’ve told me that fashion design is only for women and homosexuals.

I thought about this as I sat at home one day, struggling to execute uneven basting on a piece of muslin fabric.

To shut out all of the negative thoughts in my mind I decided to walk around listening to my iPod everyday, which is something I don’t usually do.

On my iPod I found extra motivation in a Jay-Z song called, “So Ambitious” featuring Pharrell from N.E.R.D. 

In the song, Pharrell sings: “The motivation for me is them telling me what I could not be” and “If you can believe it, then you can conceive it.”

I receive lots of support from lots of people, but there still are doubters – sometimes including myself.

So, motivation left me for a few days, but I got it back in the form of music, which does play a huge part in my design inspiration.

I constantly envision my fashion label being mentioned in a Kanye West line or being worn by Rihanna on stage. That’s part of my dream. I just have to fight the negative energy that is senioritis and continue to find the inspiration that drives me.

It’s like that line from “Paparazzi” by Lady Gaga, “I’ll follow you until you love me.”
For me, “you” is fashion.