Refrain Yourself

When I’m sitting in the office at the campus radio station, WIUX, I often anticipate the scuffing sound of the mailman carelessly shoving manila envelopes into the mailbox.
The music has finally arrived from labels and promoters across the country, and as the station’s music director, I like to see and hear the newest releases and try to decide what’s going to hit the airwaves.

After doing this for so long, it’s become easier to separate the good from the god-awful in a matter of minutes. A quick spin and a discerning scan and I know what’s going in and what’s staying out.

This got me thinking – what exactly is it that makes music bad? Can we even call it that? Does anyone really have the authority to make such a distinction?

The appeasing answer is that everything is subjective. Like what you want and love it for what it is. Don’t let the rock critics get you down, man.

My argument? Screw subjectivity. There is some really horrifying music on the market, and we all know it. While someone’s “terrible” may be another person’s “masterpiece,” we can at least admit that we all have a bottom line. Just because Joe Schmoe is trying to “express himself” doesn’t mean that plunking out a few chords and pushing out a tone-deaf melody makes it fun to listen to. It doesn’t.

So after hearing hundreds of CDs, some of which are mind-blowing or mind-blowingly bad, I think I’ve deducted a few key things that can turn any band into a bad one.

1) The feeling’s gone – Nothing is harder to listen to than someone who sings without soul or conviction. Don’t believe in what you’re saying? Don’t sing it.

2) That production sheen – While everyone needs a good producer, a band that has been equalized or auto-tuned to the point of sounding like audial plastic is most likely covering up just how poorly it actually plays.

3) Rhyme-time – Rhyme and lyrics go hand in hand, but when a song sounds like an episode of “Sesame Street,” it’s missing the target by a mile.

4) Presentation – You can’t always judge a CD by its artwork, but musicians need to have some pride. It’s not hard to turn out a nice-looking photograph or hire someone who is even halfway decent at Photoshop. Clip art is an automatic veto.

5) Reuse, recycle – There’s something to be said for taking notes from your idols, but in this case, flat out imitation is far from flattery. Influences help shape a sound, but they shouldn’t determine a band’s every musical move. Do we really need more than one Limp Bizkit floating around? Just because Fred Durst might say yes doesn’t mean it’s right.