Comedians joke about travels, politics

The Funny Bone Bloomington Comedy Club filled with laughter Thursday, Friday and Saturday as headliner Daniel Kinno entertained audiences with the help of feature performer Jeff Oskay.

Funny Bone regular Jamison Raymond was the emcee Friday and Saturday, relying largely on audience interaction to personalize jokes about IU, work and birthdays.

Raymond said one problem with online music and video piracy is it “gives every dateless computer nerd license to call himself a pirate.”

“Call it something nobody would want to be associated with,” he said. “Something like, I don’t know, douching out.”

Oskay, an Indianapolis native, told the audience about performing in Fort Wayne, where, he said, the locals aren’t that bright.

“They think Roe v. Wade is two different ways to get their canoe off the sand bank,” he said.

Before venting about an ice cream truck jingle and telling the crowd about break dance lessons he’s being taking over the Internet, Oskay said he had a better slogan for U.S. Navy commercials.

“Navy – because Baghdad’s nowhere near the ocean,” he said. “It’s safer that way – fewer car bombs.”

For Halloween weekend, Oskay also told the audience about his costume choice.
“I’m excited – I’m going as a naughty nurse,” he said. “I love to slut it up for Halloween.”

Oskay said he doesn’t have a driver’s license because he can’t spell it.

“I refuse to own anything I can’t spell,” he said, including fedoras, armoires or poinsettias. “I don’t own marijuana. I do have some pot, unless you’re a cop.”

When Kinno took the stage, he told the audience about the most authentic 1950s restaurant he’d ever been to – in Alabama.

“It was segregated, the waiter had polio and then they let me hit my girlfriend,” he said.
Kinno also contemplated what would have happened if John McCain had been elected.
“Good news – we’re getting out of Iraq. Bad news – we’re going back to Vietnam,” he said. “‘That’s right, bitches, I remember.’”

He later moved on to Sarah Palin. He said if Americans want a leader with vision, she’s a good bet because she can see Russia from Alaska.

But there’s also her belief that the world is only 6,000 years old, that God put dinosaur bones in the ground to test Christians’ faith and that creationism should be taught in public schools with biology.

“I think if we’re going to do that, we should teach magic right next to physics,” he said.
Kinno also pondered the conundrum that so many Christians are so staunchly capitalist.

“Jesus was not a free-market guy,” he said, citing examples where Jesus fed entire communities. “‘Help me, Lord, I’m a leper.’ ‘Let me see your insurance card.’”

Along the same lines, Kinno pointed out that many religious people argue that God keeps others from sins such as theft, adultery and murder.

“If the only reason you’re not killing me is some invisible man in the sky, I don’t want to be friends,” he said.

Kinno also suggested that Jon Gosselin marry the Octo-Mom.

“He needs a wife with eight kids to exploit,” he said.

When it comes to plastic surgery in Mexico, Kinno wondered aloud why people are shocked when it goes wrong.

“When you cross the border, they tell you not to drink the water – that didn’t raise a red flag?” he said. “Your doctor scrubbed in with Purell.”

Kinno also said Red Bull and vodka is like Irish coffee – energy plus alcohol, for people who “didn’t want to be groggy or sober.”