Helicopter parents cause problems, changes

Jun. 21, 2009 – When Amanda Shettlesworth sent the School of Public and Environment Affairs’ students a mass e-mail two years ago describing a competitive internship opportunity, she got an unlikely reply – from a student’s mother.

“She called me up and asked that her son be given a leg up in the process,” Shettlesworth said.

Confused by the mother’s involvement, Shettlesworth, an assistant director in SPEA’s career services office, said she couldn’t do anything to help.

“This is your son’s responsibility,” she told the mother, “and hopefully he will write the essay well and apply.”

But the mother fought back, arguing that the school should help him get ahead.
“It’s almost like she didn’t hear me at all,” Shettlesworth said.

Some said her situation underscores a growing trend across the country.

An upward trend

In what’s been called the age of the “helicopter parents” – those who hover over their children’s lives – school officials say parents are becoming increasingly involved in their children’s career searches, doing everything from writing students’ resumes to accompanying them at career fairs.

“There definitely is more involvement of parents than there was 20 years ago,” said Amy Hume, former associate director of IU’s Career Development Center.

“They’re not physically here, they’re not contacting us, but the student brings them into the counseling session,” Hume said. “And that happens a lot.”

She said parents tell students which jobs are acceptable or relate their own expectations to their child, creating a sense of pressure that could undermine a student’s confidence.

Julian Parrott, an administrator at the University of Illinois who studies the issue, said he has even heard of parents accompanying their children to job interviews, scheduling their appointments with employers and attempting to negotiate salaries with the hiring companies.

“It’s happening everywhere,” he said. “It really is sort of pushing this state of dependency deep into somebody’s 20s.”

Not that it should be any surprise, career advisers say, because the current generation of students has relied on parents from the youngest ages.

Many students had structured childhoods, Hume said, with parents who signed them up for camps or classes, instead of letting them play on their own. Parrott said today’s generation expects parents to be involved.

‘It’s a catch-22’

Melanie Graves, mother of recent IU graduate Marli Haddan, said she called the IU Health Center for her daughter and even tried to join her during class scheduling. But Graves doesn’t think she was too involved.

“She wants me, but she doesn’t,” she said. “It’s a catch-22.”

With such a high level of attachment, Parrott said it’s unrealistic to expect parents to suddenly cut the cord once students enter college.

But Ray Clere, who oversees SPEA’s career office, said that kind of dependence is problematic, especially as students enter the job market.

“I think they (parents) have the (students’) best interest at heart, but I have a real concern about students being self-sufficient,” he said. “At what point do you cut the string?”

At IU, career counselors contend the trend of such helicopter parents is far from the norm. Still, some departments are taking precautions to keep parents at bay.

In the Kelley School of Business, the Undergraduate Career Services Office has added a parents’ page to the website that lists frequently asked questions and gives a timetable that shows a student’s career path. It’s much the same at the Career Development Center, which also added a page for parents with tips on how they can help their children from a safe distance.

Officials at both centers said the sites are working, resulting in fewer parent calls to the office and a better understanding of the process.

“Other schools are seeing the hovering of parents even more,” said Mark J. Brostoff, associate director of the business school’s Undergraduate Career Services Office. “We’ve been proactive and it makes a difference.”

Businesses cater to parents

Some employers are addressing the issue, too, recognizing that parents are intrinsically part of the process.

At car rental chain Enterprise Rent-A-Car, which recruits at IU annually, new hires are given the option of having an orientation packet sent to parents, said Marie Artim, assistant vice president for recruiting.

It includes an overview of the company, statistics on its operations, a letter from the company’s vice president and a job description.

“We find most of the time that new grads are asking that we send it to their parents,” Artim said. “College students today seem to really want their parents’ involvement and interaction.”

Jan Nickless, senior associate director at the Career Development Center, agreed that parents are more involved today but said she views parent involvement as a positive aspect for students.

“If parents can just provide the support while the student is getting a degree and provide information and help build the student up and help them gain their own confidence and their own independence,” she said, “in the end that’s the role of the parent.”