Halloween 2010: Go big or go home

For some people, Halloween is an opportunity to dress up in a sexy, barely-there costume and take a bunch of suggestive photos. Others opt for the cutesy factor and dress up as a baby, a bumblebee or something else juvenile. But not I.

I take Halloween very seriously: Pro-con lists are written, a vote is taken and costumes are assembled, not purchased.

Anything slutty or precious is dismissed immediately because Halloween is the one time of the year when you can go to a party without trying to be hot or cute. It’s the one time of the year when you can really get your creative juices flowing and let your clothes speak for themselves.

When it comes to clever costumes, there’s nothing I appreciate more than a timely getup. Anything pertaining to 2010s most talked-about news or celebrity scandals is golden.

For shy guys who have trouble meeting girls, being Tiger Woods for Halloween is the perfect way to practice your game. Put on khakis, a visor and a polo shirt, and stuff some fishnets and a bra halfway into your pant pockets. Then shamelessly hit on any girl in sight. And if you get slapped across the face, it just makes your costume more legitimate.

The not one, not two, but three Toyota recalls are just too good to pass up. The costume is easy enough: Wear a monochromatic outfit and paint the Toyota symbol on your back. At random points during the night, start walking quickly, break into a run and refuse to stop no matter who is in your way. The more people you knock down, the better.

Can’t go a night without puffing on a pack of cancer sticks? Not a problem (except for your health). Honor all the air travelers affected by Eyjafjallajokull’s smoldering wrath. Wear all black, tie an offensively bright orange scarf around your neck and blow smoke at every person who passes you.  

And we can’t forget about the most glorious sporting event known to man: World Cup soccer. First, slip on a soccer jersey and some knee socks. Then, whenever a friend nudges your shoulder to greet you, leap 10 feet in the air and crash to the floor holding your knee. Tears earn bonus points. Warning: If you’re at a bar, you’re getting trampled without a doubt.

Finally, the inevitable: Lady Gaga. Don’t even get me started on the national nightmare known as Lady Gaga and her Little Monsters. As much as I’d like to see the Gaga-mania wiped from the earth, I know that’s not going to happen. So if you’re determined to emulate her, don’t stress about finding the perfect costume. Just roll around in a garbage dump and say it’s a statement about society’s wastefulness and consumerism. Or, smear a dirty diaper on your clothes and say it represents Mother Nature and all the cycles in life. You really can’t go wrong with this one.

The first Halloween of the new decade should mark a trend in costumes. Go beyond putting on a costume by making it interactive. Don’t just dress the part — be the part.


E-mail: pkansal@indiana.edu