Arguing like a politician

I’ve been following the ring of budding presidential contenders develop and it’s become apparent that politicians tend to talk in circles.

I’m not sure if their debates are anything more than a beauty contest. Consequently, I’ve been so saturated in political non-answers that I think its starting to rub off on me.

So to those I hold political debates with, I would like to say this:

I apologize. Last time we spoke, I said some pretty crazy things and it wasn’t fair to treat you the way I did.

Can we ever go back to the way things were? I don’t want you to brood over it.

If you feel that you were unfairly declared the loser this time, please send your complaints directly to my inbox: tdagley@indiana.edu.

It’s hard to resist ignoring facts when you’re already winning the good fight, like Bill O’Reilly or Keith Olbermann.

What is the need to stop and reformulate  when onlookers are on your side?

That far in it would be suicide to stop and say “Correct my friend, I wasn’t entirely right about that. Let me rephrase.”

Who wants to admit they’re wrong?

I have stopped myself before to point out my mistakes, but it did me no favors and placed me that much further from my presidential candidacy.

Honestly, the whole argument system is unfair.

I may have gotten the last word, but I wonder if it really was the right word.

Should we start a wiki? I’m glad you can tell something was wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if my screw-ups go completely unnoticed; but I certainly saw that burning rage in your eyes this time, for I am no stranger to it.

Remember what I have to say next time we talk and look it up afterwards if you’re not sure what I mean.

Some things fly over your head. I’m not mad at you for not getting it, or even when you still declared victory.

I am, however, a little angry that you told the other guys about my “argument fail” and that you called me a “moron.” Forgive and forget. You should check out this page on the American presidents through http://tinyurl.com/3evonrk.

You will find that FDR did in fact collect birds. I told you so. Note: not intended to be a factual statement.

So really, bring it on. Respond on your own time, free from the stress of the moment and your limited portable vocabulary.

The most impassioned speech frequently seems to win in verbal communication, leaving those with no need to shout in the dust.

Email and instant messaging can balance the battlefield.

So if you find yourself more factually inclined, I suggest you look into the written word.

I’d love to see what you think. And if I can glean some wisdom from your words, then aren’t we both winners?

Note: this is also not factual; only one participant can actually be the winner and it will likely be me.

­— tdagley@indiana.edu