I wanna see you (nearly) naked

College kids, I know what gets on your nerves. I know what pisses you off every weekend, and trust me, I know where you’re coming from.

No, this isn’t about the legal drinking age, and no, I’m not about to give you 500 words about legalizing marijuana. This is a more basic desire; I’d say it’s even primal. It’s that craving to see what other people look like (nearly) naked. But let’s be honest, we don’t want to see everyone (nearly) naked — just the hotties.

Luckily for those hotties, a charity has organized an event for them to gather and check each other out. It’s called the Nearly Naked Mile, which will take place this Monday. Of course, seeing coeds in minimal amounts of spandex isn’t the primary purpose, but face it, this is the underlying appeal.

Egos will be boosted, and egos will be bruised. Probably more so the latter, but it’s for a good cause, so, who cares? Everyone will pretend not to notice your food baby. Last year, almost 2,300 hotties showed up to donate clothing, run, take some pictures, run a bit farther, take some more pictures and run a little more.

Luckily for the guys wearing tutus, the race isn’t long enough to outlast the boost of confidence from the pre-race shots.Those of us who did not fare as well against the wrath of the weekend festivities this semester will watch from afar as we creep on the (nearly) naked runners’ Facebook pictures.

Unfortunately, I will not be running the Nearly Naked Mile. I don’t need to provide a reason, but I’ll give you a hint: two weeks ago I wrote an article about getting fat.

But I really do think it’s genius to leverage the egos of young college students in order to fund a charity event. Of the 2,300 students who ran last year, about 2,140 registered, which means the Student Alumni Association raised $2,140 in a single night for the United Way.

The association undoubtedly received a ton of clothing that almost fits the people The United Way attempts to help, as well.

In all seriousness, this is a great cause, and the Nearly Naked Mile is another example of why I believe the college demographic is by far the easiest to market to in the entire country. The needs of a college student are truly the most primal in the world: food, sex, sleep and booze mixed together.

Not that it’s bad, because, like they always say, “If you got it, flaunt it, and turn it into profit for charity.” At least, I think that’s how the saying goes...

­— agreiner@indiana.edu