Bruce Springsteen is better than you

President Barack Obama, a graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law School and now leader of the United States, once said, “The reason I’m running for president is because I can’t be Bruce Springsteen.”

Even Gov. Chris Christie, R-N.J., loves The Boss and made reference to the song “Darkness on the Edge of Town” in Tuesday’s RNC keynote.

Many have speculated that Obama’s quote was made in jest, but I believe in the more reasonable explanation he clearly referred to was an age-old hierarchy of greatness, in which the title “President of the United States” is placed several tiers below Bruce Springsteen.

I say this is the more reasonable explanation because, like Obama, I have often fallen short in my accomplishments when I am compared to Springsteen.

In fact, all of us fall short, even you. If you are reading this article, you are likely an IU student, faculty member, alumnus or Bloomington resident.

This means you most likely were not conceived through the amorous consummation of blue-collar values and rock ’n’ roll in the wastelands of Freehold, N.J.

You most definitely did not rise from that wasteland in a denim jacket and red bandana combo that made Rosie the Riveter look like a fool. In comparison, you probably didn’t rise much at all.

Yes, you might have accomplishments of your own — a beautiful spouse, a special talent, a job — but you must remember:

1. Regardless of gender, Springsteen’s raspy voice and swinging man-hips can take that spouse away from you.

2. Any talent you have is absolutely flattened by Springsteen’s ability to power-slide the entire working class into ecstasy-like states with the opening riff of “Glory Days.”

3. Even if you worked your way up to be manager, owner, head chef or CEO in your career, Springsteen will always be The Boss.

So, give up.

Enjoy your “Glory Days” for what they are. You’re not famous, but, hey, you’re alright. It’s not like you need the fame and recognition, and you can’t handle his job.

Just be proud you were “Born in the U.S.A.” where you can do what you can, to the best of your ability, even if it’s just “Dancing in the Dark.”

— ktgragg@indiana.edu