The Expendables 2

What do action heroes do when they’re too old to star in action movies? Make ‘em anyways, apparently.
The Expendables 2 is the follow-up to its equally testosterone-fueled predecessor, The Expendables (2010), starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham and Dolph Lundgren, among other former badasses who now carry AARP cards in addition to their 9-millimeter Berettas.
Channeling icons such as Rambo and John McClane, there is no shortage of fast-paced action or snappy one-liners in this film. However, the messy action sequences are difficult to follow amidst jumbles of explosions and machine-gun fire. All that matters is lots of things go boom and our heroes surely come out on top.
The opening sequence shows our motley crew staging an explicitly violent rescue mission for none other than the Governator whose acting career now seems almost as silly as his political tenure.
The muddy plot thankfully takes on some direction when the film’s brutal villain, creatively named, Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme), murders one of the team members.
From there, Barney Ross (Stallone) leads his group of misfits on a merciless revenge mission. The plan? “Track ‘em, find ‘em, kill ‘em.”
Unfortunately, the rest of the film really is that straightforward.
Our favorite action heroes from yesteryear pander to aging baby boomers with silly, nostalgia-driven dialogue about ruthless, unyielding violence.
The serious bits take themselves a little too seriously to let the funny parts be funny. But, these guys are action heroes, not comedians. All they need are a few cleverly placed references from their more famous movies to elicit a response from the audience.
Some of the film’s best moments come from the stars’ self-deprecating humor.
In the middle of a dramatic action sequence, Arnold Schwarzenegger begins to deliver his most infamous line again. But Willis interrupts him, “You’ve been back enough. I’ll be back.”
Schwarzenegger responds with a smiple, “yippie-ki-yay.”
Light-hearted cameos pepper an otherwise dull movie with occasional comic relief. After all, who hasn’t wanted to see Chuck Norris tell a Chuck Norris joke?
Like the disastrously incompetent bad guys shooting at our heroes, most of the jokes miss.
The gimmick that made The Expendables watchable does not play as well in its sequel. We get it: They were the best of the best. They’re not anymore.
Please, Hollywood, find us a hero from this decade.

By Jayne Flax