Fighting on the internet

Maybe everyone is feeling extra-sensitive this time of the year.

Tough week? Perhaps you’re all upset by the outcome of Groundhog Day. Perhaps someone forced you to watch the movie “Groundhog Day.”

No matter what, I’ve noticed we’ve all been on edge.

And where do I find we most commonly vent our frustrations? The Internet.

As fruitless as online arguments and rants may be, this domain serves as a great equalizer.

We crouch behind a layer of pseudo-anonymity, and with a wealth of information just a search bar away, there’s no way we can’t find something, anything, to back us up.

The greatest technological innovation of our time is rife with tweens exploring niche identities based on “The Lord of the Rings” characters, obscure sexual fetishes and a blog post to support seemingly any argument anyone has ever made.

But our greatest strength, the ability to convey information to an insurmountable number of equally anonymous folks all at once, is also our weakness.

You see, just as easily as anyone can use this access to information to make a poignant, articulate argument on the Internet, you can just as easily use it to make everything you contribute to the absolute worst.

I know what you’re thinking. The girl you sat behind in Spanish class three years ago just shared something divisive on her Facebook page.

Now is your time, finally, to speak out and end the silence between you. It is thus your chance, nay, your duty to throw in your two cents to this virtual stranger’s exposition.

Here is where you will go down in history as that nerd who started an 87-comment-long thread debating “Is sexism over yet? I think yes.”

I know we are supposed to keep ourselves open to different viewpoints and that when we post information on a public forum we are vulnerable to, if not practically inviting, any manner of confrontation.

This, however, cannot possibly be how anyone actually thinks.

Leaving disruptive comments on a vague acquaintance’s personal content is the online equivalent to drunkenly telling someone you just met at a bar who is unavailable that you think you’d have really cute kids together.

It is like if you were to barge into your high school science teacher’s classroom, tell him or her you cheated on every exam and immediately dissipate into thin air.

So please, nerds, think before you post. Theoretically, comment threads on the Internet really can generate valuable, thoughtful discussion.

The times this actually happens, however, is absolutely never.

Mostly what Internet discussions generate are way too many notifications for the original poster, a lot of annoyed bystanders and a smug sense of self-satisfaction for everyone else involved.

What I’m getting at is that really, there is no way to win an argument online. There are a lot of ways to lose.

For example, if you use Hitler to support your argument, you have lost. If you begin a sentence with “I’m not racist, but,” do not finish your sentence, because you are about to say something racist, and therefore you have lost.

The most we can do is check ourselves before we wreck ourselves, give people our best, politely try to point them in the right direction and wish them well.

The other thing we can do is never post anything online ever again. This also solves most problems.

­— alliston@indiana.edu