Keep Calm and Carry on: Dealing with Addictions

Question: Help! I have a friend who has really started to abuse alcohol use. We used to have so much fun at the bars, but now he seems to always be under the influence. I know his parents are worried, but he does not take their concerns seriously. I have made some comments, but he gets offended and doesn’t change. What can I do to help my friend without losing him?

Answer: It is never easy to see a friend go through a rough time and deny that his “hobby” has become an issue.

With the college culture norm, students often think drinking heavily and often is OK, and obviously that is not the case. Forget the “it isn’t alcoholism until we graduate” attitude. If alcohol abuse is getting in the way of your friend’s life, making him irresponsible and affecting his health, an intervention is necessary.
First of all, give yourself credit for recognizing the problem and wanting to help your friend, and next, commit to doing something about it, even if it might anger or hurt your friend temporarily. 

It’s important to remember the resources available to students through Counseling and Psychological Services at the IU Health Center. You should point your friend toward them and use them yourself.

Before you talk to your friend, prepare by making a list of the problems you have noticed that have surfaced due to the alcohol abuse. For example, he forgets to do work, he treats people badly, his grades have suffered, etc. When you present obvious reasons, he cannot deny the evidence.

Next, make sure your friend is sober when you talk and you are together in a place where you can talk. Be caring and compassionate and prove you are there to help him because you care about the relationship and want to help him get better. Don’t make it about you and how your friend has hurt your feelings or has made everyone else angry, but focus on why helping your friend will make his life better and save him from an even greater problem.

Finally, make sure to bring up the issues that will arise if the drinking does not stop. For example, you can say that continuing to get bad grades will keep him from graduating or health concerns will be present for the rest of his life. Make it clear he is not alone and that his behavior under the influence does not reflect his actual character but can be fixed by getting help.

Tell your friend that everyone in his life is willing to help, and you can find other things to do for fun that don’t involve alcohol until he is better. Your friend may get upset and angry with you, but make sure to stay as calm and strong as possible and have backup support. Reach out to his family and friends who can help make a safer environment for your friend and help him become comfortable with reaching out for help.

It may be difficult for a period of time, but do not forget you are ultimately saving your friend and being more than just a college acquaintance. By acting like a real, genuine friend, he will forever be grateful for concern. I wish you the best of luck, and congratulations on taking a mature step in the right direction.

­— espitzer@indiana.edu

This question was submitted to Eshley. If you want to ask her for advice, email arts@idsnews.com.