Keep Calm and Carry on:Going the Distance

Question
So, here comes graduation, and my girlfriend and I are moving to different states. We are so used to being around one another that I know it will be difficult for both of us, especially when we try to make a new life for ourselves. What can I do to make the transition sting a little less and be prepared to make it work as best we can?

Answer
It’s that time of year — the one couples and even best friends dread. We have been in a perfect place, surrounded by people we have come to love and spend all our time with.

Now, after living in an enjoyable, free and fun college environment, we have to join the “real world,” where we will be without our familiar, comfortable community, whether it be a girlfriend, best friend, greek housemate or friendly pizza delivery man.
It seems scary, but it’s also very exciting.

Don’t forget that you did this once before, when coming to college, and the relationships that mean the most to us will prevail.

Of course, being in a long-distance relationship is not at all easy, but many people call the long-term separation “the test” where your relationship’s strength and long-term potential will be made much more clear.

It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder and doing what’s best for you next year, even if that means being far away from your girlfriend, is what you need to do at this time in your life.

As hard as it is to trust, things will work out the way they are meant to be with the right mindset, effort and attitude. Here are some tips on how to make the best of long distance.

Talk it out

Make some sort of plan about your regular communication, visits to one another and daily interactions.

Having some Skype dates set up on a regular basis or good hours to call once you get your schedule done will keep you from constantly obsessing over how the other is doing.

Planning to visit one another every two weeks, month or few months will give you a time to look forward to seeing one another and make the long-distance drags much less difficult.

Knowing that you are on the same page about making it work is essential.
Having the support of your girlfriend while starting a new chapter of your life will bring a whole new level of appreciation to your relationship.

Commit or quit

Long-term works, but you have to want it, and the only way to do that is to really commit to it and know that your partner is, too.

Wouldn’t you always be there for a family member, whether you see each other every day or not?

The same has to be true for a long-term relationship.

Be willing to give a portion of your day to your girlfriend where you know and she knows you will be open to talk, and be ready to spend money on visiting the other and make it a regular expense.

The commitment from a distance will add a new responsibility to your relationship, but it will prove worth it if things work out.

Trust is a must.

A long-term relationship will never work with someone you are skeptical about.
Whether it’s bad history or personal insecurities that keep you from trusting your partner, you must find a way to trust the other and relieve all the excess worries.

Constantly being afraid of your partner’s unknown actions will drive you crazy. Being on the same page will make for the happiest ending.

­— espitzer@indiana.edu

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