Bullying vs. teasing

When I think of bullying, it’s hard to imagine a 300-pound athlete could be a victim.

But one professional football player would beg to differ.

Miami Dolphins player Jonathan Martin left his team unannounced after repeated bullying from teammate Richie Incognito.

Martin released a voicemail message to the NFL in which Incognito said “I’ll kill you,” “I’m gonna slap your real mother across the face,” as well as racial slurs.

I’m not defending Incognito’s actions. It is inarguable that what he did was wrong.

However, Incognito’s actions did not warrant the media riot that followed.

When some one hurts some one else’s feelings, it’s not always bullying.

For example, last month, a parent filed a bullying complaint after his son’s high school football team lost 91-0. The parent claimed the opposing coaching staff was bullying the kids on the losing team by beating them by such a large margin.

The players for the losing team said they didn’t have a problem with the loss. The winning coach even pulled his starters for the entire second half and coached his kids on how to not run up the score too much.

But in today’s culture, I’m sure the parent had plenty of other people in agreement that it was wrong because their children’s feelings were hurt.

It’s not bullying just because someone ends up on the losing side.

An overmatched football team played a great football team and got beat. That’s all there is to it.

The coach had no ill intent. He was just trying to win the game in a way that was least embarrassing to the other team. Incognito might not have had ill intent either. There’s no proof his arguably threatening comments were serious. Although what he said, in his mind, might have been some sort of bonding, they blurred the lines between teasing and bullying.

Martin probably wasn’t accustomed to Incognito’s behavior because he was brought up in a society that condemns a child as a bully for a one-time jest at another student who smells funny.

Exploring this distinction — singular, isolated occurrences and consistent, true bullying — is especially important at IU, where hazing in fraternities and sororities is abhorred. But not all initiation rituals are abusive. A good-natured ribbing can help people form bonds and strengthen friendships.

I understand it’s a slippery slope, but if not all teasing was criticized then maybe Jonathan Martin would have experienced some in college. Then he would have learned to brush off and laugh about what he experienced in the NFL.

What Incognito did is wrong, but we should not take it as an extreme case of bullying. Our values and culture demand we view Incognito as a violent monster and Martin as an innocent victim, but that might not be the case.

Bullying has evolved into a misrepresentation of true oppression thanks to our crusade against hazing.

We need to distinguish the differences between abusive behaviors like bullying and hazing, and common bonding behavior like teasing. We have already created a terribly sensitive society, and we risk growing even more delicate.  

­— lewicole@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Cole Lewis @ColeThenLewis.