Don’t hate me for hating IU basketball

Jaws dropped as stares penetrated my soul.

The response was so extraordinary you would think I just admitted that I listen to Nickelback.

But no, much worse.

I let an opinion that I usually keep hidden in my closet slip out: professional basketball is better than college basketball. And therefore, I hate watching IU basketball.

Please, save my excommunication to West Lafayette until after I graduate.

I went to my first IU basketball game of the year this past Sunday, when IU beat Stony Brook. There were as many empty seats as there were missed free throws.
 
Students decided they weren’t going to come. It was very reminiscent of a football game.

And yet with half of the seats empty, I still get called out for not supporting IU basketball. I’m told I’m not a real IU student. I’m also called a name worse than anything — a hipster — for not going to IU games.

In some students’ beer-blasted minds, they feel that loving college basketball is a requirement to go to IU.

I would rather watch professional athletes who play basketball for their job rather than inferior athletes who play a lesser brand of basketball.

If you want to watch inferior ball, you might as well go watch the dads league on Saturdays at the YMCA.

I heard they play some real team basketball.

When I say these slanderous statements, I am berated with talk of professional basketball being selfish. However, Yogi Ferrell was the only one with more than one assist for the Hoosiers on Sunday. Either they play selfish basketball or they just can’t make a shot.
Count me out either way.

I want to cheer for the top-notch, highest level of basketball players in an atmosphere conducive to actually watching a game.

I don’t want to have to step over a girl who is spewing hot dog and regret into the aisle.

A man urinated in his pants last year when I was at a game.

Welcome to IU basketball.

Between girls who stare at Will Sheehey the whole game while tweeting #iubb every five minutes and guys in tank tops who talk about how they could have played if they hadn’t had that one injury in high school, I’m over it.

I would rather eat a snow cone and relax in the bleachers of a Pacers game.

I won’t judge you for liking college basketball, so don’t judge me for liking a better quality of basketball.

If you wanted an aspiring doctor in medical school to perform your open-heart surgery instead of a professional doctor, that’s fine.

But I think I’ll go with the professional doctor. At least he can make a free throw.

— lewicole@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Cole Lewis on Twitter @ColeThenLewis.