Cole Lewis’ guide to proper bus etiquette

During the frigid months of the year, students cram into IU buses more than ever.

The ex-bike riders and ex-walkers join the rest of the lazy students as we all huddle together in a bus to get transported across campus.

In such cramped times, we must remember the most important set of social rules: bus etiquette.

Do not cut.

This one goes out to all the kids who seem to just meander to the front of the mob when the doors open.

Though it’s not a strict line, you have to have some sort of humility.

No one is going to call you out for cutting since this isn’t middle school, but we’re going to judge you like it is.

Your backpack is not a person.

If you set anything in the seat next to you on a full bus, I am going to sit down right on top of it.

Face your social anxiety and let a human sit down because I know your backpack won’t fall over at every sharp turn if it’s not on a seat.

Walk to the back of the bus.

This concept is simple, yet in a full bus the driver has to awkwardly say it over the intercom four times before the guy everyone is staring at moves. Simply move, or the people up front have to ride without anything to hold on to. And that’s nothing to joke about.

Stare directly at your phone.

I don’t want to look at you. Flash anything close to a smile and I’m getting off at the next stop.

This is not a time to be friendly. Even if you have nobody to text, be sure to idly flip through Facebook pictures or tweets from days ago.

Do not touch everyone near you.

If standing, it is important to press your lower body into the person that’s sitting down next to you.

I’m not very fond of this, but it seems to be a popular opinion of everyone that stands above me.

Also, make sure to grab the bar right on top of someone’s hand and then switch it without making eye contact.

Get on/off in an organized fashion.

When the bus stops, don’t take your turn. Bust the door at the seams only to leisurely walk to class when out.

If you’re entering the bus, get on so fast that people can’t get off and miss their stop because you’re in the way.

This is your bus now. Show them who’s boss.

Though you may not agree with some of these rules, they are sure to make you fit in with the rest of the bus riders at IU.

­— lewicole@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Cole Lewis on Twitter @ColeThenLewis.