Grade: C-
No, there won’t be any asinine puns or jokes to be found here.
It’s already bad enough that vampires aren’t regarded as the spawn of the Devil anymore in pop culture.
Instead, they’ve been reduced to Dolce & Gabbana models that listen intently to emotionally incompetent teenage girls reading stupid poetry from their stupid binder in a stupid field of marigolds.
It’s stupid.
However, there have been a brave group of cinematic warriors who have fought the good fight to portray those who feast on the innocent in all of their unholy glory. Films such as “Let the Right One In” and “Afflicted” have done justice to the mythological abominations.
“Dracula Untold,” even though it tries its hardest to reach that level of potential, ends up being a wasted effort that would make even Sysyphus himself depressed.
The first red flag makes itself known immediately thanks to the film’s title.
“Untold”? I guess all of those Hammer “Dracula” films, the Francis Ford Coppola remake and a little thing called the Internet weren’t sufficient enough to properly tell a concise background.
Nevertheless, it does weave the vampire mythology with the history of the real-life monster, Vlad the Impaler.
Like previous adaptations of iconic monsters such as the Wolfman and Frankenstein, “Dracula Untold” tries to modernize the man and the mythos surrounding him by means of sub-par special effects. That’s it.
Beyond that, with the exceptions of Luke Evans’ portrayal of Vlad and Charles Dance as the first vampire residing in the cave, everything else consists of performers plucked from the local high school actors’ guild with equally cringe-inducing dialogue.
With that being said, both aforementioned actors try their best with the material they’re working with, and they succeed for the most part.
While Evans’ performance is above average, it lacks subtlety thanks to ham-fistedness and cliche screenwriting.
Dances, on the other hand, is the opposite.
His presence onscreen, though outlandish and exaggerated, is not only intimidating and unsettling, but has the calm, intellectual and pitiful characteristics that should be, and is, the epitome of what modern vampires emanate in widespread culture.
It’s unfair to say “Dracula Untold” didn’t try hard enough.
There was certainly effort and good intentions put forth.
While that is more than enough compared to recent alterations of the famed monster, it would’ve been a more worthwhile experience were it not for the rushed pacing and mediocre production values.
