I’m writing this at 4:39 a.m., and I haven’t slept yet.
For the past five hours, I’ve been tossing and turning, as I do almost every night. Sadly, unlike most nights, I don’t think I’ll actually be able to fall asleep this time.
I’ve struggled with insomnia the entirety of my life. Like 22 percent of Americans today, I struggle to fall asleep almost every night of the week.
I honestly can’t tell you the last time I fell asleep in under an hour and a half, and even that would be a miracle.
I’ve been this way ever since childhood, and absolutely nothing I’ve tried has worked for me. I started exercising more, I stopped watching Netflix in bed. I even tried hypnosis.
Nothing.
It’s always astounded me the way people can fall asleep. I have friends who say they can flip a switch in their brain and simply pass out within a few minutes.
I’d give just about anything to be able to do that.
Many of my fellow insomniacs will probably think I should try sleep aids. I have tried them, and they either don’t work or they put in me in a vegetative state from which not even the loudest of alarms will wake me.
So, as you can see, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s gotten to the point in my life where I go to bed 10 to 12 hours before I have to wake up with the chance that I’ll be awake for hours on end.
Perhaps this has just been the exhausted ramblings of a man desperate to get some Z’s, but I honestly believe this is a subject that needs to be more widely discussed.
When I was younger and began to realize something was wrong with my sleep patterns, I just ignored it. I hid it from the world and hoped it would just go away.
Obviously that didn’t happen, and I wish I’d gotten help sooner. When I did finally go to the doctor about this, my habits were so ingrained in who I was that I simply couldn’t shake them without drugging myself beyond my comfort zone.
Beyond the ramblings of a man exhausted beyond his limits, I guess this column is for those other people out there who are like me. The people who watch the sunrise four or five times a week, not because we want to but because our bodies won’t let us do anything else.
You are not alone.
kevsjack@indiana.edu
