“I’m sorry!”
I find myself saying this phrase for just about ?anything these days.
After I state a strong opinion in class, I’d apologize for it immediately without anyone ever voicing that it was wrong or offensive.
I’d even apologize for asking questions. When I thought I was in someone’s way, I’d apologize up ?and down.
Throughout my day, I apologize so many times that I completely exhaust the word “sorry.”
When I realized my apologetic habit, I looked around and noticed that other women had the same strange habit.
They were also sorry for things that seemed ?insignificant.
In times when an apology was necessary, many of us tend to over-apologize.
I was often told, “OK, I get it. You’re sorry. That’s enough. You can stop now,” by people I spent my ?exhaustive apologies on.
As women, our society has seemed to ingrain a strong submissive behavior in us.
Many of us panic at the thought that we are personally offending someone.
We have a habit of assuming they are offended by us stating an opinion or asking a question. If the person doesn’t appear to be ?offended, we still apologize.
Men do not seem to have this problem.
We as women need to break this habit.
When I realized how frequently I apologized for insignificant things that didn’t offend anyone at all, I ?attempted to break ?that habit.
When I raised my hand in class, I asked the question directly without being sorry.
If I had an opinion, I ?stated it unapologetically.
I began to save my apologies for situations in which people told me they ?were offended.
When I broke my “sorry” habit, I found many situations I apologized for before didn’t actually ?offend anyone.
I realized how ?unnecessary it truly was.
It turned out that one “sorry” was enough, and a whole slew of apologies wouldn’t have improved the situation any more.
Without all our petty and unnecessary apologies, we sound more confident.
I started to help my fellow unnecessarily ?apologetic lady friends.
When they would drop an irrelevant “I’m sorry,” I simply asked them why they were so sorry.
A surprising number of them realized they didn’t know why they were.
I told them not to apologize for anything unless they have obviously hurt someone or a person had voiced an offense.
Not being sorry has been completely freeing for me.
When we ask a question or state an opinion, let’s do it with complete confidence.
Who we are and what we do is not greatly ?offending anyone.
We don’t have anything to be sorry for.
Let’s stop apologizing for who we are.
eshrack@indiana.edu
