Many pervasive myths cloud our understanding of grief and grieving.
With these myths come expectations and standards we often hold against those experiencing a loss. Despite the ingrained nature of our culture’s beliefs regarding grief, we must open our minds and hearts to the diverse and intimate nature of the process for each individual.
Loss can occur in a variety of ways. While the death of a loved one is the most commonly understood reason for experiencing grief, it can also be triggered by the loss of an animal, a place, an object or a valued way of life, according to helpguide.org.
If an individual loses a job they came to count on as a significant aspect of their identity, it can be a major source of bereavement. In a similar way, grief can often follow a divorce or separation. The onset of various disabilities can be a source of sorrow for many individuals.
Additionally, grief can precede a loss. When a loved one is slowly declining or a relationship is gradually unraveling, the individuals involved may begin to grieve before the loss has occurred. It may act as a protective measure, allowing the individuals to prepare themselves for the impending loss.
Grief can assume a variety of forms. While many of us expect someone experiencing a loss to cry and seem sad, that may not be the emotional expression every individual feels compelled to display.
Everyone grieves in their own fashion, and grievance might assume more subtle and underlying signs than outward emotion. For example, a person may become more withdrawn, feel shocked and nonplussed, experience a change in diet or exercise, put on a façade of wellbeing or feel anger and bitterness. Coping methods with potentially serious repercussions may include substance abuse and self-harm.
The grieving process also does not follow one set time frame. For some losses, the main portion of an individual’s grieving may end within a few weeks or months, while other more traumatic losses may take a year or more to overcome. Never imply a person has grieved for too short or too long of a time, as the process is specific to their life experiences.
The experience of loss has been a major cause for the age-old question “Why?” throughout human history. Different cultures and spiritual traditions have diverse traditions and customs in the aftermath of a death, and these practices are extremely valuable to many individuals and families.
Griefspeaks.com said African-American families may dress in white to celebrate the freedom of the deceased’s soul, while those of the Islamic tradition often follow a very structured, spiritual and community-based mourning process.
Being there for a friend or loved one experiencing grief requires a great deal of compassion, understanding and attentive listening.
Allow them to attempt to express themselves before making any recommendations or suggestions. By avoiding assumptions and impositions of stereotypical grieving expectations, you can give your friend the breathing room they need and a secure space to reveal their genuine feelings.
sjdickma@indiana.edu
