Let’s not beat around the bush. “Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse” is garbage.
The question is was it good garbage or bad garbage?
The film centers around three high school-aged boy scouts who have been friends since they were children.
There’s Ben, the sensible and spineless leader of the group. How this works, I don’t know, but the movie was written by the same people who wrote “College Road Trip,” so I wouldn’t waste my breath asking questions.
Carter is the obnoxious second-in-command. He represents every stereotype about high school boys.
Finally, we have Augie, the gentle giant. He’s more invested in scouts than his friends and cast as the loser of the trio through the totally not cliché and offensive character devices of his weight and emotional expressiveness.
The scouts program has dwindled to just the three of them and their overly enthusiastic mentor, Scout Leader Rogers.
After holding on to the past for so long, Ben and Carter are ready to call it quits. They agree to one more camping trip before they take off the uniform for good.
Plans change when Ben and Carter are invited to “the secret party” — an infamous blowout all the cool kids go to — because it’s 2015 and we’re still upholding the idea that the amount of Abercrombie and Fitch in your closet determines your social value and gives you the ability to find abandoned buildings to throw massive raves in.
Carter is so thirsty he convinces Ben to sneak away from camp in the middle of the night to attend the party and make their social debut.
But when the boys return to town they get more than they bargained for as zombies begin attacking them.
They team up with Denise, a girl they briefly went to high school with, to defeat the zombies and find the party before the entire town is bombed.
The film gives a pretty accurate depiction of high school students in terms of looks and attitude of the three main characters. The dialogue is realistic and at its best when the three are bickering.
There are just a few scenes that make absolutely no sense.
In one scene, the boys go to an abandoned strip club and a woman who is clearly a zombie starts dancing and manages to get her top off before her throat explodes and drenches the boys in blood — because plot be damned if you can get a titty shot.
Then there’s the scene where the boys are running away from the zombies and a female zombie’s shirt is caught in fence and torn off. Not only is there an uncomfortable close up of boobs, but Carter takes a moment from running for his life to give them a squeeze. But, you know, who cares about sexual assault when you get another titty shot? Not director Christopher Landon.
“Scouts Guide” could have been just another trash comedy, a subpar “Zombieland” you would rather forget, but it went too far.
I’m not in the business of ignoring social issues for the sake of entertainment.
The answer is bad garbage. Save your time and money.
