STARK
Season five was as cruel as ever to the Starks. Arya got to cross some names off her list after a stint with the Faceless Men in Braavos, but putting her personal vendetta ahead of her duties resulted in Jaqen H’ghar doling out a severe punishment.
Poor Sansa can’t catch a break either- Petyr Baelish married her off to the only person in the Seven Kingdoms more horrific than her last husband: Ramsay Bolton. During the battle between the Boltons and the Baratheons, Sansa and Theon jump from the walls of Winterfell in an attempted escape. Here’s hoping Sansa finally gets her revenge in Season six.
And then there’s Jon. Named the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, he attempts to unite the Wildlings with his own forces in preparation of the upcoming battle with the White Walkers.
After an undead horde attacks the wildlings, Jon escapes back to Castle Black with the survivors, but finds that he’s made enemies in his absence. The season finale ends with Jon’s death as members of the Night’s Watch stab him repeatedly and leave him to bleed out. And we all died a little bit with him.
Season five body count: Only one Stark death last season — that’s what I call progress! (And everyone knows he’s coming back, so does it even really count?)
TARGARYEN
Daenerys took it upon herself in Season five to rule over the former slave-city of Meereen, despite uprisings from a rebel group called The Sons of the Harpy. Since she’s really not very good at ruling, she ignored advice from everyone in her posse and managed to piss off the entire city. In order to appease them, she reopened the Meereenese fighting pits, where The Sons of the Harpy eventually staged a huge attack. Thankfully, Daenerys’s favorite dragon, Drogon, came to her rescue and flew her away to an unknown location. We last see Daenerys as she is being surrounded by Dothraki riders. Wait, how did we get back to Season one?
Season five body count: Aegon Targaryen, the only other known Targaryen, died of old age in a surprisingly heartbreaking scene.
TYRELL
Where we left them: Things have gone south for the formerly unflappable Tyrell family. Loras was arrested by The Faith Militant for being gay and spent the season rotting in a cell. He was quickly joined by the recently queened Margaery, who was arrested for lying about Loras’s affairs in court. As far as we know, they’re still in the dungeon.
Season 5 body count: With no major Tyrell deaths at all so far, they’re better off than pretty much everyone else.
LANNISTER
Jaime has been in a steady decline as the show has gone on, losing status, friends, limbs and children. (At least he hasn’t lost that jawline, am I right?) Season five took him on a bro-trip with Bronn to Dorne, where they made a misguided attempt to rescue Jaime’s daughter Myrcella from would-be assassins.
Tyrion went on a bro-trip of his own during the last season, first with Varys and then with Jorah. He finally ended up meeting Daenerys in Meereen, resulting in one of the most satisfying moments in recent “Game of Thrones” history. Tyrion’s finally doing okay, guys!
Cersei, however, is far from ok. Five seasons of entitled, evil actions finally caught up with her, and a clash with religious cult The Faith Militant resulted in the ultimate walk of shame. We all hate her, but I can’t be the only one sort of looking forward to the hell she’s going to raise in response, right?
Season 5 body count: Jaime’s mission was an utter failure, proving once again just how terrible he is at keeping his children alive. Myrcella was poisoned by Ellaria Sand as she boarded the ship back to King’s Landing, and she died in her father’s arms. You’ve only got one kid left, Jaime, get it together!
BARATHEON
Where we left them: Season five was devastating for the Baratheons. Stannis-the-Mannis attempted to add Northern forces to his army in order to take back Winterfell, but failed again and again. Disregarding advice from Davos, his trusted advisor, he threw out logic and turned to Melisandre to guarantee his victory. (Always listen to Davos! Have you learned nothing?) Melisandre told Stannis that if he sacrificed his daughter to The Lord of Light, he would defeat the Boltons and win the upcoming battle. For once, she was wrong, and Stannis lost both his daughter and his wife before being killed by Brienne.
Season five body count: Poor, poor Shireen. You deserved so much better. With the deaths of Stannis, his wife and Shireen, the Baratheon house is basically kaput. Except for Gendry. He’s still rowing.
