Grade: D+
B-movie curve: C
This. This is worse.
Without all the wonder of the sharknado being the first-ever storm of its kind, “Sharknado 2: The Second One” relies mainly on the witty banter between characters and the ungodly amount of underwhelming celebrity cameos.
A panic-stricken Fin Shepard and ex-wife — but not really — April, played by Tara Reid, are traveling to New York City when their plane descends into a vicious storm. It’s revealed that yet another sharknado has unleashed, this time on the east coast.
The kicker here is no one believes Fin when he says a sharknado is even possible.
And that’s fair. It is pretty obscure. I’d have a hard time believing him too unless, of course, a sharknado just happened on the west coast.
And don’t try to tell me these east-coasters don’t know who Fin Shepard is, because flight attendant Kelly Osbourne just fan-girled over him for 70 seconds of my life before a shark gobbled her head up. They know what’s up.
“Sharknado 2” uses many of the same devices as the first of the series, as many sequels do. However, being a sequel, they’re less original and even less believable than any shred of believability the first movie might have had.
For example, none of the main characters are wearing their hair up, which seems highly unrealistic during such inclement weather.
Fin’s sister tases a shark on a ferry and operates a garbage truck to escape from the Statue of Liberty’s head rolling down the freeway, all with perfectly tousled curls flowing down her back.
I’m sorry, but if sharks are falling from the sky and I’m running through a windstorm, somebody best get me a hair tie.
There is also plenty of unnecessary tension between Fin and new characters like his ex-love Skye, played by Vivica A. Fox, or brother-in-law Martin, played by Mark McGrath.
Conflict like this might be an emotional goldmine in any other movie, but not in “Sharknado.” We didn’t come to feel for any of the characters — we came to watch their faces get ripped off by sharks.
Although the sequel fails to branch out enough from its original, the methods used to kill the sharks have gotten a little more creative. Fin is still eventually armed with his signature chainsaw, but he also spices it up by throwing a shark into a pizza oven.
Michael Strahan tackles a shark in front of a screaming “Live with Kelly and Michael” audience while Kelly Ripa punctures another with the heel of her stiletto.
Clearly the wellspring of knowledge about how to kill a shark has not run dry. Yet.
After all, I still have one movie left to go.
bridmurr@indiana.edu | @bridget_murray
