When does one become an adult?
Is it determined by some chronological benchmark, like an 18th birthday or some major life milestone like financial independence? Are you granted adulthood upon the mastery of a certain skill?
Perhaps childhood fades away when you buy and cook your own food or manage to repair something in your home without calling your parents.
It’s probably also important to schedule doctor’s appointments, file taxes and do laundry. And let’s not forget finding a decent job, if anyone happens to know where to get one of those.
Really, what has to happen in a person’s life to give her that elusive air of omniscience, that ability to always have answers for important questions that seems to be the mark of a true adult?
One possible answer: nothing.
It could just be that you will never wake up and know for sure that you’ve made it to adulthood.
Developmental psychology encourages us to recognize important growth happening in every stage of our lives. The idea that some magical combination of experiences and achievements will ever undeniably distinguish us as adults seems implausible.
But if there is one comparison people love to make, it is between what they are doing and what they should be doing. Many of us are so preoccupied with chasing the maturity and wisdom of adulthood that we don’t stop to consider whether the goal we seek is unrealistic or misleading.
You will never receive a card from the government to carry in your wallet that officially labels you as an adult (unless you think that your driver’s license qualifies). You also will not be invited to an induction ceremony to the Certified Society of Actual Adults.
So why is it that some of us seem so uncomfortable with adolescence? Or even for those who already identify as adults, why is there this feeling of lingering incompleteness?
The obsession with graduating from youth and establishing maturity generates a lot of unnecessary anxiety, especially when life almost guarantees you an unending supply of perpetual change and new experiences.
You cannot fully leave behind the uncertainty of innocence because you cannot learn everything there is to know.
The best thing to do, then, is to embrace the idea of life as a process of continuous evolution the best you can. Figure out how to get to the next best version of yourself while keeping in mind that there will never be a final draft.
This should be good news, right? The fact that adulthood is not some concrete, easily definable achievement should make you a lot less afraid of failure.
Unlike in the academic world in which we are all trying to build our lives, you need not fear that you will miss a deadline or have your application rejected.
Maybe you aren’t quite an adult yet, and maybe you never will be. What matters, though, is that you are already a person. Why shouldn’t that be good enough?
