Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to remember an organization that once had hope, promise and optimism. Once known as a “professional American football team,” the Cleveland Browns are surely no longer that. It’s been a long time coming, but it has officially happened. The Cleveland Browns are dead.
Since the franchise returned to the NFL as an expansion team in 1999, the Browns have now become jinxed, a team where players go to finish their careers and dreams go to die.
Since 2008, the Browns have won more than six games once, but that doesn’t even tell the whole story. They’re 0-16 in spirit every season. The team’s recent history is filled with a who’s-who of “I forgot about that guy” with quite a few train wrecks along the way.
Over the past ten seasons, the following list makes up the starting quarterbacks for the franchise: Charlie Frye, Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, Ken Dorsey, Bruce Gradkowski, Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Colt McCoy, Brandon Weeden, Thad Lewis, Jason Campbell, Brian Hoyer, Johnny Manziel, Connor Shaw, Josh McCown, Austin Davis and Robert Griffin III. After one game, Griffin is feeling the wrath of his new team, as a shoulder injury has sidelined him to injured reserve for at least eight games.
On first glance of the news, I assumed that The Onion or another parody account was pulling my leg, but lo and behold, it’s true. Cleveland injured Griffin less than 60 minutes into his first start. Actually, I’m surprised that he made it through the preseason.
After the Cavaliers shocked the world and broke the Cleveland curse, there was a bit of optimism for the Browns.
Will LeBron’s magic will rub off? Does breaking the losing streak change things for good?
Nope.
After one game, it’s back to the same old story. The Browns are a laughingstock. Between the drab brown jerseys and the somehow drearier play, the Cleveland “professional” football team may be better off wrapping up the season and getting the summer break started now. More time to golf and avoid career-ending injuries.
The last time the Cleveland Browns won a championship was in 1964, and this streak doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. They’re like the Cubs, except without the likability, optimism and togetherness.
But, hey, at least they’re not the irrelevant Tennessee Titans, where the biggest franchise moment is Kevin Dyson being tackled at the one-yard line and losing a Super Bowl.
gigottfr@umail.iu.edu
@gott31
