The people you live with are supposed to be the people you can trust and feel safe with. They shouldn’t bring other people into your house or apartment that will make you uncomfortable. They definitely should not bring people into your house or apartment that will proceed to make rape and sexual assault jokes all night.
And on top of all of that, you should be able to talk to your roommates about this.
I received a text from a good friend of mine the other night about how upset she was that there were men in her house making rape jokes. These men were dating her roommates. I asked if there was any way she could explain to her roommates why this made her so uncomfortable.
The atmosphere these men created made it so she didn’t feel right asking them to not talk that way in her own house. She believed that if she commented on it, then she would be the next girl they called nasty names and made rape jokes about.
What’s wrong with a woman commenting on something that makes her uncomfortable? This is something I’ve been wondering for the last few weeks. What is it that makes women so afraid to discuss their discomfort?
Honestly, I think it is the blatant apathy I have witnessed men express when it comes to rape culture. They can talk about rape so nonchalantly. They don’t bat an eye when they discuss what they would do to a woman if she was unconscious.
They don’t miss a beat between talking about how much they love their mother and about how their ex-girlfriend was a “crazy bitch.”
Rape culture isn’t the only issue America is barely acknowledging.
Sure, domestic violence is taken seriously. But people have their own definitions of domestic violence.
Violence doesn’t only come from a man or woman hitting their significant other. Violence can come in the form of threats or backhanded compliments meant to make you believe that no one else could love you like they do.
The Twitter trend #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou tells the stories of many women and men who have encountered domestic abuse without the men ever laying a hand on them.
I don’t only overhear rape jokes on the streets or in the classroom. I hear jokes about how a girl should “shape up or get hit.”
Or sometimes “bros” will joke with each other about how they put their girlfriends down the night before.
“She can’t feel too good about herself.”
“I don’t like her to go out when she looks hot.”
“I care about her, but I have to act like I don’t.”
But why is that? Why can’t guys just treat girls the way they want to? Where did they learn to make fun of girls and crack jokes at their suffering?
I think women learned to not voice their discomfort at the same time that men learned to say whatever they want about women. So long as women don’t feel comfortable in telling men to stop talking that way, they’re going to think it’s okay and keep doing it.
Of course, this is no excuse.
Men have no right to make jokes about rape, domestic violence, or the intelligence and worth of women. But I think we women should stand up for ourselves. If someone doesn’t like it, then that’s too bad.
Embrace the nasty woman.
mmgarbac@indiana.edu
