With the election only a week away — seriously people, seven days — it’s time to sit down and figure out who we want running our country.
IU has alumni representing the cream and crimson all over, from books to television to business, but we’re lacking in politics.
Yes, George H.W. Bush’s vice president Dan Quayle is from the Hoosier State, but he went to IU-Purdue University Indianapolis, so it’s been 76 years since we’ve had a real shot at a Hoosier in the White House.
In 1940, Wendell Willkie — yes, that Willkie — tried to beat Franklin D. Roosevelt and win the presidency of the United States, but it’s FDR we’re talking about, so Willkie’s bid obviously didn’t pan out.
It’s time we bring Indiana back to the Oval Office.
Without further ado, I hereby endorse Kyle Schwarber for president.
Sure, Schwarber is not a born-and-bred Hoosier. He’s merely a transplant Hoosier after growing up in Ohio.
However, once he came to Indiana, he made his presence known and maintained a .341 batting average and .437 on-base percentage in his three seasons at IU. His 40 career home runs and 149 RBI made him look pretty good for the 2014 MLB Draft, and he was picked up by the Chicago Cubs as the fourth overall pick.
After his gut-wrenching ACL tear early in this season, Schwarber made his comeback with the Cubs in the first game of the World Series.
It’s not every day you can use a Hoosier’s name and World Series in the same sentence, is it?
In the 2015 postseason, Schwarber played a larger role not just because he was actually able to play the field but also because he hit five home runs in nine games.
We get it — the guy can play baseball, but why should he lead this country?
He’s a leader with killer dance moves. That’s why.
He’s versatile. When he has actual medical clearance in his favor, he’s useful not just at the plate but also behind it and in the outfield, and you have to give bonus points to a Major League Baseball player if he was once in his high school show choir.
You just have to.
He’s also incredibly likeable. Politicians inevitably have people in their own jurisdictions who don’t like them for one reason or another — that’s just how politics work.
Schwarber isn’t a politician. He’s a baseball player. A baseball player beloved by Bloomington and IU. This spring will be the Hoosiers’ third season without him, yet last week Bloomington bars and restaurants still erupted when he made his return from the disabled list.
“Kyle Schwarber is not human!” young men cried when he doubled off Corey Kluber in game one.
That’s just what America needs: a good old, superhuman president.
