Hello parents. We need to talk.
First, I’d like to congratulate you.
Your child was accepted to IU, which is a great accomplishment you and your child should be proud of.
Your son or daughter is about to make a huge and sometimes brutal life changes and, by extension, so are you.
For 18 years you have raised and cared for this person you’re going to send to college.
You cooked for them, did their laundry, force-fed them cough syrup when they were sick and drilled them on finishing their homework and studying for tests.
You were probably with them every step of the way through their college admittance process to keep a careful eye on those application deadlines and remind them what their social security number is when they inevitably forgot.
And that’s what we need to talk about.
While these acts of caring made you an involved and helpful parent in grade school, we only have one name for it on college campuses: helicopter parent.
Dr. Carolyn Daitch defines helicopter parenting as “a style of parents who are over focused on their children. They typically take too much responsibility for their children’s experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures.”
There is no room for this kind of over- involvement in college and I’ll give you two main reasons why.
One, your kid needs to learn that failure is a part of life.
I get it. No parent wants to sit idly by and watch their child fail.
You don’t want to see their dreams shattered or breakdown when they learn they’re not good enough for something.
You never want them to be unhappy and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.
But your child will fail at some point.
They aren’t going to get the grade they want on every test they take and paper they write.
They’re going to get overwhelmed and not study enough.
They’re going to miss the bus and burn their breakfast.
They aren’t going to get every job they apply for.
They aren’t going to like every job they get.
That’s life.
Your job isn’t to protect them from these failures but to teach them how to handle it.
Second, college isn’t just about getting a degree to hang on a wall.
It’s about learning who you are and becoming your own person, independent of your parents.
You learn a lot about yourself when you’re suddenly responsible for every aspect of your life, whether it’s passing a class, doing your laundry or finding a way to feed yourself everyday.
Your child needs to learn who they are independently of you.
That can’t happen if you’re calling their professors to check on grades, booking their dentist appointments and bringing them home every weekend so you can wait on their every need.
You have to remember your student isn’t just your “baby” anymore. They’re an adult.
Taking a step back from your child’s life doesn’t make you a bad or neglectful parent.
It doesn’t mean you love them any less or you’re setting them up for failure in life.
You’re just helping them learn to navigate this world on their own.
You’ve done a great job getting them to this point where you have to let them go.
Let your child do the rest.
opinion@idsnews.com
@LexiaBanks
