Nestled away in a tiny corner of a library among a sea of students sits an aspiring young man who dreams of one day earning a law degree, and of one day leading IU men's soccer to a College Cup.
Surrounded by a horde of loose-leaf paper and class notes, the young man’s head is buried deep between the pages of a paperback memoir; his imagination fleeting with every sentence.
Each turn of the page pushes his reality further from the present. As his thumbs carefully comb the paper edges, and his eyes move meticulously from left to right, the sound of the crowd begins to fade. The only noise left comes from within the young man’s own mind.
It prods at him, asking questions like ‘is this all worth it?’ and, ‘when will it be my turn?’
But, just as the doubt creeps in, he continues reading on. It’s one of the only things that keeps him motivated and persistent.
For the past four years, IU senior goalkeeper Sean Caulfield has sat on the sidelines at Jerry Yeagley Field, his name rarely at the forefront, his legacy amounting to very little within the vast annals of IU’s eight-time national champion legacy.
“It was definitely tough watching some of the guys play and not getting the chance to play alongside them,” Caulfield said.
Caulfield looked on as countless teammates parlayed historic seasons at IU into successful professional careers elsewhere, but the East Lake, Florida, native was still in search of a collegiate career to call his own.
A three-star recruit out of East Lake High School, Caulfield garnered attention from dozens of universities. Some presented the opportunity to start at goalkeeper almost immediately, but it was IU, a school nearly 800 miles from home and already chock-full of elite goalkeepers in its pipeline, that lured him away.
IU, he said, not only gave him an opportunity to play for one of the most historic soccer programs in NCAA history, but also allotted him the resources to get a top-notch education.
Caulfield packed his bags and left the shores of the Gulf of Mexico behind to live out a dream in a town he had never even heard of prior to his first visit.
“When I first got to Bloomington I didn’t know a single person,” Caulfield said. “But I transitioned so easily because of the people around me.”
Three former Hoosier soccer players in particular formed the backbone to which Caulfield could rely on: Rece Buckmaster, Jeremiah Gutjahr and 2018 MAC Hermann Trophy Winner Andrew Gutman.
From the get-go, it was Gutjahr, a Bloomington native, who was the first to truly embrace Caulfield and take him under his wing. Whether it was showing him the best restaurants to eat at around town or introducing him to the locals, Gutjahr and Caulfield began forming an unmistakable bond.
In the months that followed, Buckmaster and Gutman, along with their families, also helped ease the goalkeeper into a seemingly foreign environment.
“Without them and the rest of my teammates, I’m not sure I would’ve ever been able to transition as fast as I did,” Caulfield said. “I was obviously extremely grateful to have had them here.”
But no matter how close they became, there was always the same mutual understanding: once the cleats were laced up, it was only about winning.
Unlike the rest of the quartet, though, Caulfield looked to be the odd man out.
Whereas Gutman, Buckmaster and Gutjahr earned significant playing time as freshmen, Caulfield was forced to redshirt with then-junior goalkeepers Christian Lomeli and Colin Webb eating up the majority of minutes.
“I pretty much knew I was going to redshirt my freshman year,” Caulfield said. “And I was prepared to do whatever I needed to help the team.”
Little did Caulfield know he wouldn’t be sitting out for just one year, but it’d be nearly three years before he saw any notable game action due to the arrival of a future All-American in 2017.
Before even stepping foot on campus, Trey Muse was tabbed by fans and media outlets alike as the next great IU goalkeeper. The No. 88-ranked recruit by Top Drawer Soccer would push hard for starting duties immediately with the impending graduations of Lomeli and Webb, all but spelling Caulfield’s fate once again.
“It was really, really hard, I’m not going to lie,” Caulfield said. “But I just kept on remembering something my dad would always say to me, ‘just work on the project, don’t worry about the results.’ That’s something I would tell myself over and over again.”
After not playing at all in 2015, 2016 and a majority of 2017, Caulfield finally got his opportunity in the biggest game of the season yet.
In Westfield, Indiana, then No. 1 IU took on then No. 24 Wisconsin for the 2017 Big Ten Tournament Championship.
With both teams failing to score in regulation or overtime, the game was forced into a penalty-shootout for the Big Ten crown. Despite being the goalkeeper for one of the greatest IU defenses of all-time, Muse didn’t have any in-game penalty-shootout experience.
Due to the circumstances, IU head coach Todd Yeagley opted for the three-year veteran in Caulfield over Muse.
The Badgers would go on to score four goals with Caulfield in net and win the shootout 4-2 along with the Big Ten Tournament trophy.
The moment was simply too big for the sophomore, but he remained headstrong and hoped his lone appearance would parlay into an increase in minutes the following year.
“You never know what you’re going to get as far as playing time,” Caulfield said. “You just have to be ready when it’s your time.”
It seemed more and more likely that Caulfield was destined to be a lifelong backup. Never good enough to be the top guy, but always good enough to be the second man up.
Despite the multiple setbacks, his confidence still rarely wavered and his allegiance to IU remained.
“In order to play with the best, you have to surround yourself with the best,” Caulfield said. “It’s not about you, it’s about the team.”
Even as Muse racked up award after award on his way to becoming the nation’s top goalkeeper, Caulfield was there, patiently waiting his turn, taking careful notes, and acting as IU’s self-proclaimed No. 1 cheerleader.
It’s now the fall of 2019 and Muse is off exploring professional endeavors after two historic years at IU.
However, this time there will be no highly-touted recruit looking to jump Caulfield on the depth chart. This time there will be no veteran with the experience advantage over Caulfield. This time, it’s Caulfield’s name that’s been tabbed as the unquestionable starter heading into the season.
“Here’s a guy who stayed the course and now his opportunity has come,” Yeagley said. ”I’m not worried one bit.”
While Caulfield’s statistics may not rival Muse’s 2018 season, they don't need to. It’s his uncanny leadership ability that will pay dividends in the end.
“It’s been fun to see him remain so diligent and focused on how important his role in the goalkeeping arsenal is,” Yeagley said. “He is always locked in making the guy next to him better.”
At 22 years old, Caulfield’s dreams are just beginning to come true, maybe a bit later than he would’ve envisioned, but he takes nothing for granted.
With the season just days away and his first collegiate start imminent, Caulfield retreats back to his comfort place, the paperback memoir.
By now the library has cleared out, except for the starting IU goalkeeper still seated in the corner with the book in his hand.
Entitled, “Can’t Hurt Me," author David Goggins details his transformation from a future-less young man into a world-renowned U.S. Armed Forces veteran and one of the world’s top endurance athletes.
The lanky, 6-foot 2-inch Caulfield can’t help but see shades of himself as he's immersed deeper and deeper into the text.
For him, clarity hasn’t been easy to find, but in this moment, with the pages flowing through his fingers, one thing finally becomes clear.
He’s no longer Sean Caulfield the destined lifelong backup, he’s Sean Caulfield the starting IU goalkeeper with dreams that are still unsatisfied.
