Sports fans often joke about the existence of the football gods, omnipotent beings who sway the outcome of games. This is obviously utterly ridiculous because it assumes the football gods are just and reasonable deities.
Take, for instance, IU’s 36-35 overtime win over No. 8 Penn State. There were plenty of spectacles to be seen throughout the matchup — none of which were remotely logical.
After being amazingly consistent as a redshirt freshman last year, quarterback Michael Penix Jr. struggled to connect with his receivers for the majority of the afternoon. His arm was like a missile launcher, and he targeted the open air beyond his receiver’s fingertips with extreme precision.
However, the Hoosiers weren’t the only ones with rust to shake loose. Two truly horrific interceptions and a fumble by the Nittany Lions easily made up for the Hoosiers' own miscues.
Of course, what the football gods give, they are quick to take away.
The Hoosiers tempted fate by running on their last play of the first half and were punished with a fumble. In a true display of gridiron nihilism, Penn State kicker Jake Pinegar clanked a 25-yard field goal off the left upright, leaving IU with zero consequences and a 17-7 advantage after two quarters.
Midway through the fourth quarter, with the Hoosiers trailing 21-20, I began viewing this contest as a thought experiment — what fanbase do the football gods despise more? Would Penn State get upset despite out-gaining IU by well over 200 yards, or would the Hoosiers yet again carve defeat out of imminent victory?
I appeared to get my answer when Penix took two consecutive sacks and threw two sloppy incompletions on what seemed to be IU’s final possession. Then, madness befell Memorial Stadium once more as Penn State running back Devyn Ford strode into the end zone rather than taking a dive to run out the clock.
IU’s offense entered its most important drive down 28-20 with all the momentum of a baby crawling up a water slide. And yet, somehow the offense that floundered most of the day marched 75 yards in seven plays and pulled off a two-point conversion, knotting up the score at 28 apiece.
Perhaps undeservedly, the Hoosiers were back in the running.
At least, they were until senior kicker Jared Smoler nudged the ball no more than 25 yards on the ensuing kickoff, putting the Nittany Lions in prime position for a game-winning field goal.
I have never seen a better-looking 57-yard kick in my life, but the powers were evidently still unsatisfied as Jordan Stout’s long, accurate boot fell mere feet short.
Penn State had no trouble reaching the end zone, handing IU another opportunity to break its loyalists’ hearts. When Penix found Whop Philyor in the end zone on a nine-yard strike, I steeled myself for the second overtime.
The next ten seconds were a blur. I faintly remember head coach Tom Allen trotting out his offense, Penix scrambling to his left and stretching out his arm to the pylon like Michael Jordan’s impossibly elongated slam dunk in the climax of “Space Jam.”
Let me be clear — if Penix had been called down initially, there is no chance the call would have been overturned. I honestly have no clue whether Penix actually converted the two-point conversion. The one thing of which I’m sure is the referees made their choice, and IU is 1-0.
So what have we learned about the so-called football gods? For one, they certainly work in mysterious ways. I’m not positive if this game was meant to punish the hubris of Penn State partisans or reward the suffering of IU followers.
Three missed field goals, five total turnovers and a treasure trove of mind-boggling miscues all boiled down to whether a man in a striped shirt raised his arms above his head in a split-second decision.
My traditionalist sense of guilt tells me IU has a harsh reckoning on its horizon as repayment for its luck. Then again, if week one taught us anything, it’s that the only commandment in the religion of college football decrees chaos always prevails.
