Last March, a resurgent Indiana men’s basketball made its long-awaited return to the NCAA Tournament under first-year head coach Mike Woodson. The Hoosiers entered this season ranked No. 13 in the AP Poll as Big Ten title favorites. After years mired in mediocrity and unmet expectations, it felt like this could be Indiana’s breakthrough campaign.
As 21st century philosopher and part-time singer-songwriter Dua Lipa once said, "goddamn, you got me in love again."
But enough about 2022. Welcome to your Indiana men’s basketball wrapped.
This season, you ventured into the depth chart
You explored three different starting lineups and several different second units. Whether it was junior guard Trey Galloway or freshman forward Malik Reneau stepping up to counteract an anatomy textbook’s worth of injuries, you really knew how to change it up.
Look at you, you frighteningly depleted roster.
From tip-off to final buzzer, you kept it interesting
You started games off low and slow with arrhythmic funk. On average, Indiana performed worse in the first 10 minutes of each game — outscoring its opponent by 1.8 points — than the remaining 30, during which it outscores its opponents by an average of 4.3 points per 10 minutes.
You love waking up to experimental beats, bizarre shot selection and occasionally just not scoring for four consecutive minutes. You’re so wacky like that.
However, you seized the middle 20 minutes of the game with mood-boosting hype. Suddenly, you get fired up and remember you’re — in theory — the No. 16 team in the nation.
Finally, you embraced the home stretch with vibes so cool they’re downright chilly. This season, you felt three distinctly icy breezes drift across Branch McCracken Court as senior walk-on forward Nathan Childress came off the bench to take out the trash in garbage time.
Through seven combined minutes, Childress has averaged zero points, .3 assists, .3 personal fouls and roughly 17,000 takeaways — if you count all the hearts he steals every time he tears off the candy stripe pants.
With one matchup, it was dominance from opening tip
Your best game was Nov. 30 against then-No. 18 University of North Carolina. You led for 38 minutes and 52 seconds and never by fewer than seven points in the second half. Your fans have replayed this game in their minds about a thousand times, with the most replays occurring Dec. 3 while Indiana was getting absolutely demolished by Rutgers.
You played 13 athletes, but one ruled your TikTok algorithm
Graduate student forward Miller Kopp has produced seven TikTok videos in which he and his teammates attempt to incorporate predetermined words or phrases into their postgame interviews. Those words included types of animals, food, animals as food, movie references and an Ethiopian proverb.
Sophomore guard Tamar Bates leads the Hoosiers with three successful word drops, once mentioning a trombone in response to a question about fatherhood. Bates is followed closely by senior forward Trayce Jackson-Davis, who boasts two successful drops and has been described by Kopp as a “media word All-American on and off the court.”
Kopp himself is 2-0 and exhibits an ardent dedication to his craft. After his 13-point performance against Elon University on Dec. 20, Kopp recruited a member of Indiana’s sweat mopping personnel — apologies, I don’t know the technical job title — to record his own presser.
In his media word TikTok era, Kopp has averaged 8.1 points in games preceding TikToks. In games not preceding TikToks — in other words, Indiana losses — Kopp averages 13.7 points.
This season, you’ve occasionally looked like a championship contender. But you also lost to two top-five teams by a combined 36 points, unlike a championship contender. Time to meet your basketball personality…
HEADBAND RACE.
Midway through the first half against the University of Arkansas at Little Rock, graduate student forward Race Thompson took an elbow to the face and exited the court, as one does when they get elbowed in the face. After returning four minutes later sporting a white Adidas sweatband, Thompson exploded for 16 points and five rebounds.
Since first donning the headband, Thompson has more than doubled his scoring average and increased his rebounds by more than two per game. Also, he makes 3-pointers now, sometimes.
Indiana men’s basketball, you’re entirely capable of playing extremely well, clamping down on defense and bullying opponents for contested rebounds.
Sometimes, though, you just sort of disappear. It’s as if you change who you are as easily as Thompson changes headbands.
What version of yourself will you be today? Are you Headband Race, dominating the boards with over 10 rebounds? Maybe you’re the elusive Redband Race, draining inexplicable 3-pointers and keeping an extremely clunky metaphor afloat with a two-game sample size.
Toughness, experience, frustrating inconsistency and a seamless Adidas promotion — it’s everything Hoosier fans have come to know and love. Or at least tolerate.
Thanks for spending 2022 with us.
